“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which makes us count our blessings.”

- Eric Hoffer

For the past few years it seems as though Thanksgiving has become the poor cousin to Christmas, but for a vast majority, Turkey Day is one of the more favored of the holidays.

Why? Because it's the easiest. Think of it; you don't have to buy anything special for anyone, you don't have to wrap anything, granted you are going to be putting tin foil on the turkey but that's not really considered “wrapping” so much as cooking - and even that is pretty minimal.

All you're really expected to do is stuff your face, watch a football game and pass out. One would think that this would be the most popular of holidays because it covers all the activities Americans treasure most: Eating, watching television and sleeping. Well, I can't speak for all Americans, but I know that those are my favorite activities. I always look forward to the big meal and the inevitable food coma that follows.

But, I'll warn you now, get your grocery shopping done as early as possible, because I remember one year I waited till Wednesday night to do my food shopping and ended up serving Hot Pockets because all the turkeys had been pilfered.

My table was an eclectic mixture of what I like to refer to as “anything I could find.” A jar of Smuckers was as good as a can of cranberry sauce. And oatmeal, if whipped long enough, makes an excellent substitute for mashed potatoes - and is just as lumpy. But you can't take it too far, because, trust me, no matter how creative you might think you are no one is going to buy into the explanation that chicken nuggets and fish sticks are what the pilgrims originally served.

Keep in mind the fact that this is a “family” holiday, so make sure that you not only have the essential poultry products but it wouldn't be a bad idea to have some of that turkey be of the “Wild” variety. Oh yes, you're about to spend at least one whole day with your entire family. You're going to get a big helping of “homegrown headache” because the guest list is, but not limited to, that aunt that smells like Lysol, siblings that will be more than willing to point out the fact that you've come to dinner sans date, and your grandmother who, for no apparent medical reason, spends the day calling you “Billy.”

You'll be tempted to run away from the clan, jump into a boat and sail to some far off place. But, keep in mind, somebody did that once and that's why we have Thanksgiving in the first place.

So, stick it out. Let the aunt hug you, let the siblings tease, smile at grandma and be thankful that, if for nothing else, you have people who love you, a full stomach, and, hopefully, an empty couch to sleep the holiday off on.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here each

Sunday. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com