Kathryn Lopez: Adultry too readily accepted in America

By: Kathryn Lopez

Friday, September 11, 2009 11:48 PM EDT

Adultery does happen. It always has and it always will. But I think we may have crossed a threshold.
While watching the president of the United States declare that we can legislate away hardship, during his joint-session of Congress health-care address, I was lured away from my hyper-blogging, Tweeting, Facebooking analysis by a commercial for

ashleymadison.com.

To the soundtrack of a snoring woman in bed with a man, the announcer says: “Most of us can recover from a one-night stand with the wrong woman.” The narrator continues: “But not when it's every night. For the rest of our lives.”

The husband gets out of bed and heads, presumably, to the computer. We see a cartoonish wedding picture. We are made aware of what this restless spouse must be craving: an online dating site for those who are married, but itching for something more, with someone else.

“Life is short. Have an affair.” is the motto for this no-frills facilitator. There's no need for confession or guilt. It's all straightforward and out in the open, at least to those in the know. And that's it: enticement, information and get your credit card ready.

The ad's commercial presence during the presidential address post-game commentary on MSNBC was jarring. Have 24 hours of Viagra and Cialis and KY ads made audiences of the talking-heads shows immune to noticing?

And in this fallen TV world, it's not that he's just not into his wife. It's equality, baby. Another ad on the same night featured an exaggerated boorish bore of a man and his wife in a restaurant on their anniversary. He takes a phone call. She is pleased to make eye contact with a leering rake at the bar. “When divorce isn't an option,” is how Ashley Madison seeks to make this sale.

In both scenarios, any sense of shame was noticeably absent.

I asked the same question while reading the weddings section of the New York Times during Labor Day weekend. That week's story on a couple's road to wedded bliss was not one you'd expect to be on display: “There was a moment of connection, but it was so intense that we couldn't be friends,” the featured bride told her husband. She and the man she married met on Broadway, playing the lovers Mimi and Rodolfo in “La Bohame,” who would eventually be torn apart, clearly unlike the couple showcased in the article.

And so they dated. They would spend two weeks there together in France. And then, upon her return from the continent, she left her husband for her newfound love. The “little church girl” recalls: “From the moment our eyes met through those two weeks of being in Paris and the pain of going through a divorce, I knew that I loved him.”

I know nothing about this couple other than what the Times told us. I wish them well. But what about us? What does it say about us when such a prominent fixture of American life and mores would choose to feature such a story? And it's not just the old Gray Lady that's moved by adulterous connections.

I attended a wedding at St. Patrick's Cathedral that same Labor Day weekend, one that didn't make any features sections. During the sermon, the rector implored those in attendance to be a support for the couple, because the newlyweds will have hardship ahead, as all couples do. (You actually can't legislate it away.) Marriage is hard. And so family and friends, who so often can help make or break a marriage, must be supportive.

But what about the culture? Will the culture make a positive contribution to the institution of marriage? Or will we forever hold our peace in the face of blatant offenses to all that we should hold dear?

Marriage, born and nurtured by true love and responsibility can be the source of joy, life and a future generation that understands and honors the institution. We need to commit to it - and to be ashamed by blatant violations of it - for all our sakes, till death do us part.

Kathryn Lopez is the editor of National Review Online (www.nationalreview.com).

She can be contacted at klopez@nationalreview.com

The Citizens' Say

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There are 6 comment(s)

retskadon wrote on Sep 17, 2009 1:07 PM:

" libkarl- please help me understand.
Has Kathryn written recently on how the media upholds the sanctity of marriage?
Has Kathryn written about how one side (political) is more upright(morally) than another?
If not, then please give me your definition of hypocracy.
Her story does give an example that supports her message. Maybe you know something of her character that is contradictory to her viewpoint.
Her analysis of the media demoralizing our culture, I think, is pretty acurate.

Giving a couple examples from the MANY sins of our public servants, hardly proves Kathryn Lopez to be a hypocrite or her story to be contradictive.
You have a politically shaded view and your comment is a lame accusation. "

WHAT-A-RUSH!!! wrote on Sep 17, 2009 9:34 AM:

" O by the way i was being sarcastic for what i just said thank you. omg see i even cap size the o lmmfao. "

CVA62 wrote on Sep 16, 2009 8:13 AM:

" Kathryn, dear, if it weren't for adultery, (and booze, pick-up trucks and coon dogs) there would be no Country and Western music. So, if you're a C&W fan, I guess you could consider adultery not so great a sin. GOOD ARTICLE nevertheless, but I agree with Karl. The sins of ALL these cheating, two faced, lying governmental hypocrites should be constantly at the forefront, especially at election time. By the way, I don't believe that misspelling was your fault. "

Farmer's Gal wrote on Sep 14, 2009 11:40 AM:

" adultery -- if you are a reporter, editor or headline writer, you should be able to spell correctly. There is an "e" in adultery. "

The Bone wrote on Sep 13, 2009 7:41 PM:

" Good story!!!!! "

liberal karl wrote on Sep 12, 2009 6:21 AM:

" WHAT AN UTTER HYPOCRITE LOPEZ IS!!!!

Witness if you will, the utterly SHAMEFUL spectacle of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who REPEATEDLY CHEATED on his wife with an Argentinian woman and was caught in the lie after saying that he was "hiking in the Adirondacks"!!

Witness also Mike Duvall, a California "family values" State Assemblyman who was caught on tape bragging about TWO adulterous affairs with two different female lobbyists--one 18 years his junior!

ANY MENTION BY LOPEZ?!?!?

NONE!!!!!

WHAT A CONSERVATIVE COWARD!!!!! "

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