“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”

- Fran Lebowitz

I realize that I'm not a perfect person. Like everyone else I have my flaws, and no matter how old I get I still do some foolish things from time to time, like not asking for directions when I'm lost, drinking orange juice right after I use mouthwash, or not looking before I leap.

But I'd like to think that I'm at least working toward being a better person. I don't drink alcohol, get into fights or otherwise do anything that would constitute me as a “bad boy” but just when I'm about to give myself a pat on the back for living life in the slow lane I find out that I'm actually a daredevil. Does this honor come from my thrill of motorcycles? No, they scare me. Does it stem from�some love of rock climbing? Probably not, since I'm afraid of heights. That fear is so bad I won't even wear shoes that have heels on them. In fact, I'm so safety conscious that I'll wear a seat belt even when I go to the bathroom.

No, I'm a rebel not from living some wild lifestyle but from snacking. Oh, you read that right my friends; I'm just one munchie away from meeting my maker it seems because once again a tasty treat has turned evil.

Pistachios, apparently, have now been added to the list of the latest in edible terrors to rise up on the food chain. This whole food equals death equation started a few years ago where if you ate spinach it would kill you. Which I still insist is true. We had the whole tomato scare which made eating pasta downright daring. There was bird flu for awhile there but, I guess farmers just started adding Nyquil to the feed grain so that stopped that problem. Which is a good thing, too, because I can only imagine how much it must have been costing them to buy little packs of Kleenex for all the hens.

Peanuts had their moment in the spotlight, and, ironically, I never thought that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich would be the downfall of mankind but, luckily, we made it through that “epidemic,” as well.

And where does all this come from? I thought humans were at the top of the food chain. Now, granted, I can see that if you're walking through the jungle and you stumble upon a lion you can pretty much consider yourself an entree, but on the average business of the day to day, aren't we suppose to be the masters of the domain?

It just seems like everything lately is bad for you, and it's not specific to people either. Just this week my computer caught a virus which, for me, was shocking because I only feed it information.

I think the only lesson in all this is that the next time someone tells you to finish your dinner, do it before it finishes you.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com