“Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding is the third.”

- Marge Piercy

Have you ever wondered what happens to all those people that try out for “American Idol” but aren't good enough to get on the show?

I used to ask that question, too, until I looked out my window a few minutes ago and realized that they are walking down my street caroling.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't enjoy the sounds of the season, but can we cut back a little bit?

It's not enough that I have to listen to someone ringing a bell every time I try to go into a store this time of year; now I have the Christmas infantry running drills right out my front door.

Normally I don't really mind this musical menagerie, but I have a lot of work to get accomplished today, and, to be honest, the songs are so catchy that I just know I'll get one stuck in my head and end up with “Fa la la la la” on the brain.

Why is it that when a song is titled “Silent Night,” people feel the need to shout out the words at the top their lungs?

As much as I'd like to poke more fun at the carolers, they did get me in the mood for today's activity, which is the one holiday tradition that I wish would just end: gift wrapping.

It's not enough that I had to go wading out into the sea of shoppers and battle my way through crowds to get presents, but now I have to take perfectly packaged items and cover them up.

To add insult to injury, I also have to do a good job. For this reason I try to always buy things in boxes. Boxes are real easy to wrap. All you have to do is make sure every side is covered and then just keep applying tape till everything is really tight.

For those who might be curious as to how I'm going to wrap say a sweater - easy - I put it in a box! What part of this are you not getting?

I mean, you have to admit that wrapping is pretty pointless.

Am I right? People wish for gifts. You go out and get them just what they asked for.

But instead of just giving it to them, you have to make it seem like a surprise. And this isn't the part that really bothers me, either.The real kicker is when they unwrap your handiwork and say in astonishment, “Oh, this is just what I wanted! How did you ever know?”

At this point you just want to slap that person silly and say, “You told me you wanted it.”

Or even better is when they shake it up like an Etch-A-Sketch before tearing into the paper. This is why I never gave anyone a puppy for Christmas.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at

lovonian@hotmail.com