“Life's like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get.”

- Forrest Gump

So here I am again, making out my “naughty and nice” list for the year.

So many names and only two columns to put them in. I don't mind the fact that I have to separate people into categories but I do think I need to broaden the spectrum a bit. Perhaps I should create a “didn't-annoy-the-crap-out-of-me-so-they'll-get-a-Christmas-card” column.

I think that would make my season brighter, or at the very least a little easier to manage.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the holiday season, and I go all out, too. In fact there isn't a holiday that I'm not prepared to celebrate; Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah and Festivus. You name it, I'm there.

This is the time of year when everyone is on their best behaviors and is just plain nicer to one another. And why are we so nice? Because, if you're not, then you don't get any presents! And this, my friends, brings me to the point of today's discourse: shopping.

Shopping is a slippery slope because every gift has meaning.

You see, a gift is your way of telling that special person in your life what you think of them. For instance, I could go out and buy Honey a pair of diamond earrings, and that means I care about her. Or, I could make her something homemade.

Something I put my heart and time into which, of course, means I was too cheap to buy the earrings. See the difference?

Like I said giving gifts is tough, but then again, so is receiving. That's the real problem with the holidays, it forces you to smile your way through countless different sweaters when all you really wanted was a new iPod.

True story: About four years ago all I wished for was a new cordless drill. People would ask me what I wanted for Christmas and that's all I would say, “cordless drill.” Now I don't know if there was a mix-up in the translation, but what did I unwrap that year? A George Foreman Grill! And not just one my friends; but four! Not again, this year I'm going to make it easier on you and I both by simply registering. That's right, like some blushing bride-to-be I've been going to go out to the stores and registering for what I would like this year.

I know some might object to this idea but my response is simple; don't knock it till you try it, because the store actually hands you a laser gun and tells you to enjoy yourself.

And by the way, when I say “laser gun” I meant that literally. This thing weighs in at about four pounds and looks like something out of Star Wars. Oh yes, I tried it, in fact I think I've found me a new winter hobby.

So if you see some guy stalking the aisles dressed in camouflage in the coming weekends don't worry, it's just me. And what am I doing? “Bargain hunting,” of course.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here,

each Sunday, in The citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com