“There are two kinds of light - the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures.”

- James Thurber

“BUUUURRRRP!”

Sorry, I guess that was the echo of that turkey sandwich I just finished. Yes, like you my fridge is filled with Butterball leftovers and I am now learning how to make every meal using turkey as an ingredient.

So far I've done turkey salad, turkey rolls, made some turkey soup, and am wondering at the moment if there is such a thing as turkey pancakes. If not then I'll be really surprised at breakfast tomorrow morning.

My meal planning aside, it's time we tightened our belts back up because we have a lot of work to do. You see, now that Thanksgiving is over, I am giving my blessing to put up your Christmas trees.

I know it's a bold move to just throw out orders like that, but it seems that someone has to step up and take charge here, and well, it might as well be me.

You see, I've been noticing for a few years now that people just don't know exactly when to put up the decorations and, more importantly, when to take them down. I've witnessed wreaths in April, and garland in September.

This being said, I have made it my obligation to keep you informed of the time table.

So feel free to now go out and grab a spruce, throw it up next to the couch and toss on so many lights that you'll have to wear shades. Feel free to sprinkle that pine with so much tinsel it will look like a showgirl in Las Vegas.

And don't forget to add some ornaments and when I say “some,” I mean just keep putting them on till every majestic branch is drooping like taffy.

When you're finished, I want you to stand back and take in the wondrous spectacle you have created. Now sit down.

I know, you may want to ask, “But Brad, what about the outside? Aren't we going to decorate the yard this year?”

Not really, I'm not allowing that this year. It's not that I've suddenly turned into a Grinch, it's just that unlike the tree you can have too many decorations and some people just don't know when to say “when.”

A wreath or a few well-placed lights is fine but when the front yard starts to look like the Macy's parade, it's time for an intervention.

I've seen houses so “glammed out” that they have inflatable balloons. Note: no decoration should ever have to be tethered! Also you shouldn't have so many lights on your roof that it can be mistaken for an airport runway.

Just keep it simple and as for all the money you save from not buying fancy lawn ornaments, well, all I can say is that while you're out shopping, keep in mind that I have a long wish list.

If you still find a need to splurge, then remember that my stocking isn't going to fill itself.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each Sunday, in The Citizen. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com