“I have always believed that writing advertisements is the second most profitable form of writing. The first, of course, is ransom notes.”

- Philip Dusenberry

It seems my education didn't end with high school, because I learned a great lesson this week, and that is, no matter what the product, with the right marketing, you can get just about anyone to buy it.

If you think I may be mistaken in my lesson, let me first ask you this question: How many of you put in your order for Girl Scout cookies this month?

You don't have to answer because I already know, and, like you, a few weeks ago I, too, was handed that form and suddenly I had a craving for Thin Mints. (I know what you're probably thinking, “Brad, you're not going to go after the Girl Scouts, are you?” The answer would be a simple, yes.)

You see, this week, my three (count them, three) boxes arrived at the office.

That is when I realized that you indeed can fool all the people all the time if you market an item just right, because by the time I was done chewing my way through box number two it dawned on me that I had just doled out $10.50 and didn't get a whole lot of cookies in return.

Forget the price of gas, when is the price for these treats going to go down?

Those little confectionery commandos could teach the government a thing or two about getting cash from the people.

And how do they do it? By making us believe that these waxy snacks are the best we'll ever find.

So how am I applying this to my everyday life?

Well, to be blunt, I've been a bit depressed as of late.

My life has been one boring day to the next. There just doesn't seem to be much pizzazz when it comes to yours truly.

So what is the lesson? Essentially, I need to change how I “sell” myself.

For instance, I no longer tell people that I'm going to “crash out” on the couch anymore. Crashing sounds like I'm being lazy, instead I'll say “I'm taking a power nap!”

See, it actually sounds like I'm doing something constructive.

I also can't be bothered with paying bills the old fashioned way no, not now, from here on out when I go into the post office I won't just hand over my mail I'll “push the envelope.”

Granted, it might seem rude to the lady behind the counter and I will apologize if she has to bend over to pick up my letters but still, at least it's exciting.

And I'm finding all sorts of ways to polish up this dull life.

At night I'm not just going for a jog; I'm “extreme walking!” I'm not daydreaming in the break room anymore either, but rather I'm “thinking outside the box!”

Now some folks might take my new lifestyle the wrong way, and to those, all I can say is; “Here, have a cookie.”

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com