As I talked to a concerned mother about how to teach her child personal safety lessons without causing him to be afraid, I reflected on the fears that I had felt and that all mothers (and fathers) face.

I remember as a child, my mother being upset with Santa Claus because she had taken my five brothers to see him at Midtown Plaza in Rochester. She and the boys were standing patiently in line when she noticed that one (probably Ted, the one who was always ready to explore) had darted off. She told the other four to stay put in line while she went after the wayward brother.

When she returned with the explorer in tow, the other four boys were gone. She searched frantically through the department store and finally found them underneath the clothes racks. She asked what they were doing there. They replied that when they finally got to Santa he told them to “get lost,” so they did.

After she had a “conversation” with Santa, she made sure that the boys understood that they never were to go anywhere without checking first with her. She also made sure that when we went anywhere, we had a plan of action if we got separated.

Our safety rules were clear. We always let her know where we were, and we didn't go anywhere without telling her.

When my own children were young, there were times that I was concerned, but my daughters followed the safety rules that we had talked about and did a good job keeping safe. They enjoyed playing tennis at the courts across the highway from where we lived, but came home early one day concerned that there had been a man watching all the kids play. He had come over to talk to the girls and they immediately left the court and came home.

My daughter said “why would a grown man want to watch kids play tennis - we don't even play well.”

I walked over to the tennis courts where I saw a man I knew to be a sex offender trying to strike up conversations with the kids in the play area (I was the victim service coordinator of that county so was aware of offenders). He left when he saw me, but I called the sheriff's department so that they could be aware of his activities.

My daughters were safe because one of our rules was, “if something doesn't seem right, or makes you uncomfortable, check with the grown up in charge of you.”

Now, I am concerned about my grandchildren, but my daughter has carried on teaching the safety rules to them. They know to check first before they go anywhere, change plans or take anything from anyone. They know that they are safer with a buddy, and at this point, their buddies are often their family members. They know that if they are uncomfortable with a situation they can say “no” to it, go away from it and tell a grown-up they trust about it.

It's often good to remind children of the safety rules as a way to empower them to be safe.

When they know what they need to do and that they have grown-ups who they can count on, they are less vulnerable to victimization.

When you talk to your children about safety, it doesn't have to be a formal “talk.” You can use teachable moments, like when you're going to the store. Remind them to stay with you, that if they become lost to stay in the same place or meet at a designated spot. Tell them not to leave the store without you. Tell them as you hug them that they can talk to you about anything and that you will always love them, no matter what. Let them know that the police are safe helpers and talk about other adults they can turn to for help.

Check first, the buddy system and no-go-tell are easy rules to follow and ones that they can understand.

Remember that teaching personal safety is as easy and necessary as teaching them any other kind of safety lesson, and it should be just as positive and empowering for your child.

Rosa Grube is an education coordinator for SAVAR of Cayuga Counseling Services