AUBURN - For the past 20 years, Hospice of the Finger Lakes has worked to serve individuals and their families during the difficult times that terminal illness presents and the organization has also strived to be there for the family with services such as bereavement counseling and groups support.

As an extension of the bereavement counseling process, hospice, for the past three years has been offering annual fall book discussion groups, to help further look at the grieving process.

Matthew P. Binkewicz, bereavement coordinator and chaplain, has been leading those groups, looking at works such as “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis and “In Lieu of Flowers” by Nancy Cobb.

Binkewicz paraphrased a line from Lewis in describing what he has tried to accomplish with these book talks that have grown out of the month-long counseling groups he also leads.

“Losing a loved one is like amputation,” Binkewicz said. “You get back on your feet, but it is something you never get over. The books are able to tell stories about feelings and thoughts people don't always want to express, but they can look to the book and tell that story from the book.”

This fall the group is looking at a work titled “Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief” by authors Jennifer Elison and Chris McGonigle.

The book looks at the grieving process from many points of view, telling differing personal stories of loss, but all with a common thread. Throughout the book there are stories of how despite the overwhelming sadness the individual telling the story feels, they can't help but feel a certain sense of relief that their loved one has passed.

Binkewicz pointed to examples from the book where family and caregivers were facing around-the-clock care situations with loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia and other long-term illnesses.

“In some ways, with things like dementia and Alzheimer's, these people have been caring for their loved ones for 10 years,” Binkewicz said. “And when they passed they did have a sense of relief. It was a welcoming event, even through they would give anything to have them back the way they were before the illness, they now have this sense of relief.”

During the discussion Wednesday afternoon, this idea of relief raised many different issues and reactions from readers in the group, which is the kind of discussion Binkewicz hoped to inspire.

Binkewicz said that taken out of context, an immediate reaction might be to think of someone as uncaring if they were to react with relief, but put in the greater context of long-term care and watching a loved one pass it is understandable that there is a sense of relief.

“It gives the person a chance to start over again,” Binkewicz said. “It is not easy, but it gives them permission to live again.”

It is a sense of strength and perspective that Binkewicz hopes to give those that attend the discussions.

“There are a million different ways to grieve,” Binkewicz said. “If you have a million people you have a million different ways to grieve and this gives some perspective on that.”