“Let's make sure there is certainty during uncertain times in our economy.”

- George W. Bush

I've been trying to wrap my head around this economic problem for some time now and come up with a solution that actually makes “cents.”

But, try as I might, I just can't make heads or tails of the financial septic tank we find ourselves floating in at the moment.

I think the reason I haven't narrowed down the problem is because there are way too many factors involved.

Every day there is more news about the housing crisis. I would say that it's going down the toilet but the toilet is, luckily, still in the house. While the owners are, unfortunately, not. The only bright side is that reality television will be able to have new shows on like “This Old Cardboard Box,“ starring Bob Villa.

True, we created this mess ourselves, so let's be a little more upfront and honest about what's happening in the business world. Call it whatever you want - downsizing, re-organization, restructuring, laid off, or fired, the end result is always the same. And I hope you like omelets because remember that nest egg you've been building up? Well you're going to be cracking it wide open just to put food on the table.

Don't get me wrong here, though. I might joke around about our financial futures, but believe me I'm just as worried as anyone that the only way I'll ever get to have “social security” is if I suddenly land in prison.

And how did we get in this situation? Well, progress mostly. Go into any business and you'll see that there are now more computers than people. Even my mechanic has a computer. I used to pay him to stand in front of the car for an hour and guesstimate what might be wrong. Now he plugs in his hand-held and instantly knows how much he'll be taking me for. The end result is pretty much the same but the personal touch is lost.

Need more proof? Try calling any business, customer service number and see if you get to actually talk with a human after you “press 1 to speak with an operator.” Trust me, no one is standing by.

And it's not just me that I'm worried about either. Need some perspective on the situation? Take a moment out of your day to consider those guys waving that pizza sign on the Arterial. Do you have any idea how hard it must be to feel confident in your job security knowing that at any moment you could be replaced by a stick?

But not all hope is lost. In fact I might have even found a temporary solution.

Every day thousands of immigrants are coming into our country to get jobs, but just who's doing the work back where they came from? That's right, I think it's time we all moved to Mexico.

I know that the doubters will say that the grass is always greener on the other side, but my real hope is that the dollar is, too.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at

lovonian@hotmail.com