“A man finds out what is meant by a spitting image when he tries to feed cereal to his infant.”

- Imogene Fey

When you were growing up, did your parents ever ask you the question, “Would you jump off a bridge if all your friends were doing it?”

My parents never said that, mostly because we didn't live near any bridges, but you think they would have tried to give some thought on the subject of jumping over things on our bikes using only a 2x4 as a ramp.

That little tidbit of wisdom alone would probably have saved me from a couple of stitches. Friends aside, what about when it's your own flesh and blood? That's always been my main problem with the “bridge proposal.” No one ever tells you that your brothers will be the biggest culprits of pulling a double dog dare on you. Did my parents ever try and stop them? No.

Maybe it was because I was the youngest child, and they were just plain tired after all the other kids had come close to near-death experiences and just didn't want to deal with anymore nonsense, because instead of giving me Yoda-like guidance, they would just yell,

“Well, I hope you're satisfied!”

So why do I bring up this parental guidance reminder today? Because, believe it or not, my friend Susan said to me the other day that I, yes I, would make a great father. This statement wasn't without some merit; she said this after I had baby-sat her daughter Maggie.

Sue and her husband wanted to go to the Renaissance Fair and I volunteered to watch the little one, who is an adorable four years old. I only mention that she's adorable because a few weeks ago I had to sit a different friend's child (I'll call him Joe) that was, well, facially unfortunate.

Let me put it to you this way. We went to the zoo and all I could think about was putting up a dog run around the little scamp and charging admission, because I'd be rich if I had. My only hope is that he develops a winning personality soon. If I have learned anything it's that adorable is easier.

Now I've heard the father comment before, but the way I look at baby-sitting is that the experience is sort of like when you go on vacation and you pick up that rental car. If the car gets wrecked they come and tow you free of charge. If I'm having a hard time with a child, I know that in a few hours the cavalry will show up to save me. For the most part, the time I spend baby-sitting is pretty trouble free.

When you're a parent, you have responsibilities. As a baby-sitter, all I have to have are snacks. That's really what it all comes down to. For me, setting a tea party is a lot easier than having to set a good example.

So now that most of my friends are carrying little bundles of joy, I am reminded of that bridge question again, and what will be my response? For now, I'm just leaning against the railing.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at

lovonian@hotmail.com