My daughter was working in her kitchen, I was sitting on her stairs talking to her and my 3-year-old grandson (her son) was scrambling up onto the desk next to the stairs. His goal was to unhook the gate which kept him and his dog from running up the stairs without supervision. He was far out of my daughter's reach and just out of mine as well.
We both watched as he lost his balance and fell to the hard, tile covered cement floor. It's amazing how quickly I could think, “please don't let him hit his head,” but how slowly my body could react to catch the little falling body.
He caught himself by putting his hand out and in the process, broke his elbow. Even though I knew he was beyond my ability to grasp and realized that if I had caught his foot, he would have fallen on his head; I still felt guilt that I did not prevent his climb onto the desk or his fall from it.
This is a child, who, like the children in your life, is watched over and protected. This incident reminds me that no matter how protective we are and how much we love the children in our care, we cannot always protect them from hurt or harm.
We do have the ability to help them overcome the hurt and to learn to protect themselves.
My grandson has a bright green cast and has been a bit more cautious in his attempts at climbing.
He knows that we will make sure that he will get the help he needs and will be there to comfort and make the pain lessen.
I watched from a distance last night as we were going to make cookies and he pulled the high, youth chair over and climbed up, losing his balance as he reached for the spoon on the counter.
I caught him before he fell.
As he wiped his brow and said “whew, that was a close one Gramma,” I realized that with this child, there are going to be a lot of “close ones” and that those who love him will have to be vigilant. We will remind him of the safety rules in our household and beyond, but realize that he must explore and experience in order to learn.
It is not easy to be a parent (or grandparent). The pain that our children and grandchildren feel hurts us to the core of our being.
We know that the physical pain heals more easily than the psychological pain and trauma that they might and probably will experience.
We want to prevent any hurt or pain. Yet that is not always possible. But we can be there for them. We can listen. We can make sure that they get the help that they need. We can reassure them that we are there for them, no matter what happens. This is our role as adults who love our children. It is our responsibility to try to catch them before they fall, but if we miss, to be there to comfort, to help the healing and encourage them to go on.
Rosa Grube is an education coordinator for SAVAR of Cayuga Counseling Services.
He caught himself by putting his hand out and in the process, broke his elbow. Even though I knew he was beyond my ability to grasp and realized that if I had caught his foot, he would have fallen on his head; I still felt guilt that I did not prevent his climb onto the desk or his fall from it.
This is a child, who, like the children in your life, is watched over and protected. This incident reminds me that no matter how protective we are and how much we love the children in our care, we cannot always protect them from hurt or harm.
We do have the ability to help them overcome the hurt and to learn to protect themselves.
My grandson has a bright green cast and has been a bit more cautious in his attempts at climbing.
He knows that we will make sure that he will get the help he needs and will be there to comfort and make the pain lessen.
I watched from a distance last night as we were going to make cookies and he pulled the high, youth chair over and climbed up, losing his balance as he reached for the spoon on the counter.
I caught him before he fell.
As he wiped his brow and said “whew, that was a close one Gramma,” I realized that with this child, there are going to be a lot of “close ones” and that those who love him will have to be vigilant. We will remind him of the safety rules in our household and beyond, but realize that he must explore and experience in order to learn.
It is not easy to be a parent (or grandparent). The pain that our children and grandchildren feel hurts us to the core of our being.
We know that the physical pain heals more easily than the psychological pain and trauma that they might and probably will experience.
We want to prevent any hurt or pain. Yet that is not always possible. But we can be there for them. We can listen. We can make sure that they get the help that they need. We can reassure them that we are there for them, no matter what happens. This is our role as adults who love our children. It is our responsibility to try to catch them before they fall, but if we miss, to be there to comfort, to help the healing and encourage them to go on.
Rosa Grube is an education coordinator for SAVAR of Cayuga Counseling Services.
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summer wrote on Jan 26, 2009 10:12 AM:
I am a S.A.V.A.R. volunteer and have had the pleasure of getting to know Rosa through her work. Rosa is a compassionate person, and someone who generally cares about all people. That is why she is great at her job educating children about sexual abuse.She is absolutely correct that early knowledge is the key for children, but remember, most of the time the preditor is someone that the child knows and trust, so we also need to let our children know that as parents and educators that we BELIEVE them when they come forword. Being a victim is not easy,but just imagine how a child feels when they are not believed. Children do not lie about horrable tragities. If your child comes to you and discloses information about any kind of abuse, here are some pointers:
1. Hug your child, tell him/her that you love them and that you will keep them safe.
2. Praise the child for coming forword (trauma needs to be handled with grace and a lot of empathy).
3. If you feel like you can't handle what your hearing, pick up the phone and call the S.A.V.A.R. Hotline, it is free and confidental (315)(252-2112). well trained people are there to listen to you.
4. Another option is to immediately take the child to the hospital or call the police to help you through the shock of hearing that your child is a victim of a crime that no one should have to deal with, expecially before they are ready. Remember, to believed the child. when a child falls and brakes thier elbow, we can clearly see the pain, but with abuse the pain is on the inside ( their may not be physical clues on the outside of the child's body). At, S.A.V.A.R. we can help your family through the healing process. "