“Information is not knowledge.”

- Albert Einstein

Do you know how they say that ignorance is bliss? Well, I wish I could sometimes be blissful to the world around me, but it seems inevitable that the more answers I learn the more question I have. They're subtle, but they are there.

What I'm talking about is the mystery that is a woman. I'll be the first to admit that I don't understand women. I won't claim to know what they think, what they want, or even what is it is they see in us guys. But, I am in a unique position to finally study this elusive creature up close because Honey is out of town celebrating at her sister's bachelorette party and I will have an entire weekend to try to figure just what I have gotten myself into.

You see, at this time in my life, I am finding myself not just dating but it seems this is slowly turning into a cohabitation. At some point we reached this new plateau in our relationship and I didn't even know it. Now for her part, Honey is loving this, because dating, at least for women, is sort of like playing a video game, it's always about getting to the next level.

Friday arrived and I was ready to get started. I carried Honey's bag to the car and with a kiss and wave of my hand good-bye I turned toward the house and decided to begin my investigation in the kitchen.

If you were to walk into my kitchen a few months ago you'd find the basics I need for survival: chips, hot dogs, soda, milk and cereal; a perfectly well balanced diet. But now? Well, let's say there are jars in there that although they are labeled “organic health foods” appear to be no more than fancy construction supplies.

My case in point is, of course, humus. Honestly, this beige paste looks like the same goop I grouted the tiles in the bathroom with. The funny thing is she actually expects me to eat this. What's next? If I get really famished should I just make a drywall sandwich? Talk about eating myself out of house and home.

I move to the bathroom and just stare. What started out as an “innocent left-behind” toothbrush has developed into a display counter that would win an employee of the month award at Bath and Body Works. With names like Sun Ripened Raspberries, Cucumber Melon, and Mango Mandarin; I am starting to wonder if I'm standing in my bathroom, or a produce section of the supermarket.

I look over each bottle and stop at the strawberry mousse. What can I say, I love strawberry mousse so, I tried it. Let me just tell you this. It tastes nothing like a dessert, but at least it tasted better than the humus.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but for women, perhaps, it's through their noses, because everything has a pretty scent.

So before Honey gets home tonight I'm taking a shower, and I know I'll come away smelling like a rose.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com