Many single women ask me why the man they love does not want to marry them and raise a family. I explain the inhibition with a parable. Suppose a thief stole your car, and you went to the judge to get your car back. The judge instead of giving you your car back said “oh the car was once owned jointly. Now, I decree that your partner now owns it all. In fact, since you paid to buy the car so I say to you that now you have to pay your partner for upkeep or you sir, like others will end up in jail. Don't get mad. If you are nice I might order your partner to loan you the car once in a while. If your former partner does not comply: defend yourself and get a lawyer. They only charge a few thousand dollars. If your partner gets a lawyer as well I might just order for you to pay their lawyer also. If you do not pay then I might do to you as I have done to others: put you in jail for defying a court order.” Justice?

In the parable the car is a child brought forth by two co-creators. The single men need not look far to see the consequences of so many broken marriages with children all over America as portrayed in the parable.

Sure here and there is an ideal enduring marriage. Fatherhood carries too many risks of being criminalized (paying or going to jail).

If you tell the man you love that in the unlikely event of divorce, you agree to share physical custody 50 percent of the time, and the only time any would pay is when they refuse to take physical custody in their turn, your chances for a marriage proposal shoot up. If you put it in writing - excellent - maybe even a sure thing. Try it. It will work like magic.

Peter Kotzer

Auburn