Question: My 4-year-old boy and 6-year-old girl sleep with me at night. I can't get them to stay in their own beds. They won't get into bed; they just attach themselves to me when I try to leave them in their rooms. My husband just wants to lock them in their rooms, but I don't see this as an option. The constant walking them back to their beds won't work if they won't even climb into bed. Please help!
Answer: It's time for a family meeting at your house.
You need to sit the children down formally and declare that there is going to be a change in the sleeping rules of the household, said Jill Spivack, a California social worker and co-author of the book and DVD “The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parents Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep From Birth to Age Five,” which also has a Web site called sleepeasysolution.com.
The good news for you is that you have two children - and they can lean on each other for sleep support instead of leaning on you and your husband. “Give them choices so they have a sense of control and input into the situation,” Spivack said. Ask them: “Would you guys like to share a room for a while?”
You can even let them share the same bed. “They're young enough so it's still not weird,” Spivack said.
It would at least be a starting point to help them become more independent in their sleeping skills.
It might be too drastic for them to go from the family bed arrangement to complete isolation in separate bedrooms.
Then, rehearse during the day. Show them how they will sleep, put up a safety gate in the door of their room so they know they have to stay in their bedroom, but they can hear and see outside.
Show them how you will walk them back into their room if they come out. It's not critical initially for them to stay in their beds - they can sleep on the floor if they want, they just need to sleep in the room, Spivack said.
Give them as many choices as possible within the framework of their room. Would they like the light on? Dimmed? Do they want to sleep with a special stuffed animal?
“You need completely leakproof consistency,” Spivack said. They have to know you are serious, serious, serious.
So start the new plan on a weekend, when, if you have to stay up late bringing them back into their bedroom, you won't be exhausted the next day.
If they stay in their room overnight - even if they come out a couple of times and you have to walk them back in - give them effusive praise in the morning.
Make a really big deal - “You guys did it!” Tell everyone you see that day, “The kids did fantastic! They stayed overnight in their room!”
You can even use a sticker chart whereby you give them a sticker for each night they stay in their room and reward them quickly enough to provide incentive for them to do it again. Maybe after five days they get to do something special - it doesn't have to be expensive.
The most important thing is your dedication to the new plan. Stick to it, and so will they.
You need to sit the children down formally and declare that there is going to be a change in the sleeping rules of the household, said Jill Spivack, a California social worker and co-author of the book and DVD “The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parents Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep From Birth to Age Five,” which also has a Web site called sleepeasysolution.com.
The good news for you is that you have two children - and they can lean on each other for sleep support instead of leaning on you and your husband. “Give them choices so they have a sense of control and input into the situation,” Spivack said. Ask them: “Would you guys like to share a room for a while?”
You can even let them share the same bed. “They're young enough so it's still not weird,” Spivack said.
It would at least be a starting point to help them become more independent in their sleeping skills.
It might be too drastic for them to go from the family bed arrangement to complete isolation in separate bedrooms.
Then, rehearse during the day. Show them how they will sleep, put up a safety gate in the door of their room so they know they have to stay in their bedroom, but they can hear and see outside.
Show them how you will walk them back into their room if they come out. It's not critical initially for them to stay in their beds - they can sleep on the floor if they want, they just need to sleep in the room, Spivack said.
Give them as many choices as possible within the framework of their room. Would they like the light on? Dimmed? Do they want to sleep with a special stuffed animal?
“You need completely leakproof consistency,” Spivack said. They have to know you are serious, serious, serious.
So start the new plan on a weekend, when, if you have to stay up late bringing them back into their bedroom, you won't be exhausted the next day.
If they stay in their room overnight - even if they come out a couple of times and you have to walk them back in - give them effusive praise in the morning.
Make a really big deal - “You guys did it!” Tell everyone you see that day, “The kids did fantastic! They stayed overnight in their room!”
You can even use a sticker chart whereby you give them a sticker for each night they stay in their room and reward them quickly enough to provide incentive for them to do it again. Maybe after five days they get to do something special - it doesn't have to be expensive.
The most important thing is your dedication to the new plan. Stick to it, and so will they.
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