It's Christmastime, so it's natural that December should be National Fruitcake Month. Johnny Carson once joked “There's only one fruitcake, and it has been passed along to everyone around the world for the past 40 years.”

I think I believe it!

Poor fruitcake. Every year, it's laughed at and abused. It is hurled into the air, used as a doorstop and re-gifted. Yet every year it makes its sad appearance, wrapped hopefully in its traditional bow. More people make jokes about fruitcake than have actually tasted it.

There is a line drawn in the flour. You either love it or hate it. There is no middle ground when it comes to fruitcake. Personally, I'm not a fan. My father is the only member of our family who actually likes fruit cake.

He would always manage to bring one home and carve off little pieces to savor, before my mom got her hands on it and threw it out. It just didn't seem natural or safe to have an item of food around for that long.

I think that if for no other reason than its durability, the fruitcake is worthy of some sort of respect.

So does the Society for the Protection and Preservation of Fruitcakes. Unfortunately the Fruitcake Society is only a society in spirit, not in fact, since it doesn't appear to have ever had an actual meeting. They are quoted as saying “It's hoped we can provide safe haven for fruitcake lovers and some encouragement for others to give it a try.”

The fruitcake has a history, dating back to the days of The Crusades. They were taken on long pilgrimages in search of the Holy Grail.

In Italy, Panforte, is said to be made from the very same ancient recipe. Some say even the same ancient ingredients. It is not really known how the fruitcake first came to be associated with the holidays, but it may come from the days of Elizabethan England, when the poor were given slices of cake as they sang carols in the cold streets of London. In other parts of Europe, during the 17th century, the fruitcake is associated with European nut harvests.

In America, it is said that Ben Franklin once spoke of his wife's “fruitloaf,” which when eaten was so hard that it broke someone's tooth. He suggested to George Washington that its contents be used as a barricade against the British, but it is not known if Washington appreciated Ben's advice on war tactics.

Whether eaten or used as doorstops, fruitcake is a big holiday business.

Just one popular fruitcake company alone sells about one and a half million of them each year! Another well-known specialty food catalog, sells about 100,000 fruitcakes per year. At a monastery in the Ozark Mountains, income from the sale of fruitcakes made by the monks is their only source of income. With sales of almost 30,000, they sell-out every year! There are many Web sites selling fruitcakes as well.

Wherever it came from and whatever it's called, the fruitcake is here to stay and will always be the butt of holiday jokes.

I have included two recipes, one just for fun and one for a fruitcake that is not difficult and may change your opinion if you are not a fruit cake fan.

To all our readers, Have a safe and joyous holiday. The first recipe is just for fun, and the second is for a dark Christmas fruitcake. Enjoy.

This column has been a collaborative effort between Auburn natives chef Max Hitchcock and his mother, Susan Silverman. They can be reached at Birdscapes@adelphia.net

The Ultimate Fruitcake

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

Lemon juice

Nuts

1 bottle of whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality; pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Dark Christmas Fruitcake

4 cups raisins

1 cup candied cherries, halved

1 cup candied pineapple

1 cup diced candied mixed fruit

1 cup pecan halves

1 cup thinly sliced almonds

2 cups flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup brown sugar

6 eggs, separated

1 cup vegetable shortening

1 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon nutmeg

1 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1/2 square unsweetened baking chocolate, melted

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup orange juice

Thoroughly grease a 4- by 10-inch tube cake pan or two large loaf pans or three medium size loaf pans. Line the bottom and sides with aluminum foil. Lightly spray the foil with nonstick cooking spray; set aside. In a large bowl, combine the fruit and nuts. Toss the mixture with 1 cup flour to coat. In a second bowl, sift the remaining flour with the baking soda and spices. In a very large bowl, at medium speed, beat the shortening and sugar together until light and fluffy. Add the egg yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the melted chocolate and mix well. At low speed, alternately beat in the flour/spice mixture and the fruit juices. In a separate bowl, with clean beaters, beat the egg whites until stiff. Fold the beaten egg whites into the batter. Add the fruit and nut mixture and stir in by hand until all the ingredients are well mixed. Turn the batter into the prepared pan (1 tube pan or two large loaf pans or three small loaf pans). Bake in a preheated oven at 300 degree in a tube cake pan for 2 hours and 20 minutes; in two large loaf pans for 1 hr and 45 minutes; in three small loaf pans for 1 1/2 hours. Cool completely in the pan, on a wire rack. Remove the cooled cake from the pan and wrap it well.

To decorate, brush the top of a cooled fruitcake with hot corn syrup and decorate with snipped red and green candied cherries. When set, brush with second glaze. Allow the glaze to dry before wrapping.

Fruitcake is traditionally aged for a few weeks. Though this fruitcake recipe makes a cake that's moist, delicious and ready to eat the next day, and aging is not required.