“The female has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.”
- Alan Jay Lerner
From the e-mails I have been receiving, evidently I have hit a nerve among the finer sex by comparing shopping to a sporting event. I don't mean to offend, but seriously women take spending to an extreme, and how can I not see it as a sport?
True they might not have a stadium, but they do have the mall. Plus they have a game plan, tactics, teams, and even a uniform. You've all seen the seasoned pros walking with overflowing bags in sweatpants and sneakers, so to me, this just means that they are in it to win it.
Why else do you think the sports bra was invented? The Platex 18-hour wasn't good enough for a marathon of gift finding. That's how seriously these women see shopping.
You haven't lived until you've seen a woman lose her mind over a buy one, get one free sale. For them that's the Hail Mary play of retail. I don't know how they actually keep score for these events, but I think it has something to do with seeing how far they can push the term “credit limit.”
And there are no handicaps in the game either, but there are coupons. A coupon to a woman is sort of like a ticket to ride the express lane. The more they save the more they can shop. So guys, just remember, if you see your lady love with a pair of scissors and a newspaper in her hand on a Sunday morning be prepared to get that second job, you'll need it.
Sure I'm just poking fun, and that probably comes out of jealousy for the fact that at least they know what they are doing in the store. Me, I have no idea what to get people when it comes to Christmas. I'm that guy you see standing in the housewares aisle with a glazed look over his eyes, wondering if my girlfriend actually meant it when she said she wanted a new vacuum cleaner.
Sure the Eurekas look pretty cool, but does this mean she “actually” wanted it or was she just kidding. Folks, you all know by now that I have no idea what women want. So why is it that we have a holiday that forces men to read minds? What am I David Copperfield!
Oh, and don't give me that crap about the best gifts are the kind you make either, because I would just love to see the false smile on the girl that rips open a box with shiny paper on it just to find a pine cone wreath delicately made by my loving hands.
No matter how much glitter I use, it won't disguise that fact that I probably shouldn't have done all my shopping at the craft store. When your five it's cute; when you're 35; it's cheap.
But no matter what you call this holiday you've got to get into the game and score the perfect gift. Even though I'd rather be sitting on the sidelines.
Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each
Sunday, in The Citizen.
He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com
From the e-mails I have been receiving, evidently I have hit a nerve among the finer sex by comparing shopping to a sporting event. I don't mean to offend, but seriously women take spending to an extreme, and how can I not see it as a sport?
True they might not have a stadium, but they do have the mall. Plus they have a game plan, tactics, teams, and even a uniform. You've all seen the seasoned pros walking with overflowing bags in sweatpants and sneakers, so to me, this just means that they are in it to win it.
Why else do you think the sports bra was invented? The Platex 18-hour wasn't good enough for a marathon of gift finding. That's how seriously these women see shopping.
You haven't lived until you've seen a woman lose her mind over a buy one, get one free sale. For them that's the Hail Mary play of retail. I don't know how they actually keep score for these events, but I think it has something to do with seeing how far they can push the term “credit limit.”
And there are no handicaps in the game either, but there are coupons. A coupon to a woman is sort of like a ticket to ride the express lane. The more they save the more they can shop. So guys, just remember, if you see your lady love with a pair of scissors and a newspaper in her hand on a Sunday morning be prepared to get that second job, you'll need it.
Sure I'm just poking fun, and that probably comes out of jealousy for the fact that at least they know what they are doing in the store. Me, I have no idea what to get people when it comes to Christmas. I'm that guy you see standing in the housewares aisle with a glazed look over his eyes, wondering if my girlfriend actually meant it when she said she wanted a new vacuum cleaner.
Sure the Eurekas look pretty cool, but does this mean she “actually” wanted it or was she just kidding. Folks, you all know by now that I have no idea what women want. So why is it that we have a holiday that forces men to read minds? What am I David Copperfield!
Oh, and don't give me that crap about the best gifts are the kind you make either, because I would just love to see the false smile on the girl that rips open a box with shiny paper on it just to find a pine cone wreath delicately made by my loving hands.
No matter how much glitter I use, it won't disguise that fact that I probably shouldn't have done all my shopping at the craft store. When your five it's cute; when you're 35; it's cheap.
But no matter what you call this holiday you've got to get into the game and score the perfect gift. Even though I'd rather be sitting on the sidelines.
Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each
Sunday, in The Citizen.
He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com
The Citizens' Say
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