The recent opening and blessing of a columbarium at St Joseph's Cemetery intrigued me.

Being Catholic, I never knew cremation was even an option. I just assumed that a good old-fashioned wake and a tasteful burial was the papal stance.

However, as I get older, I can appreciate how difficult traditional customs can be for some.

A few years ago, my friend's father passed away after a long battle with cancer. My girlfriends and I decided to attend the wake. When we got to the funeral home, there was a nice gentlemen there to greet us.

He led us into a parlor area and asked us to sign the guest book. After I signed the book, I turned to ask one of my friend's a question, but they were gone. I found them in the coat checkroom, lined up on a bench.

When I asked if everything was alright, my friends waited until an older couple had hung up coats and said, “He's in there.” I was quite alarmed, “Who's in there?” I said. “Mary's father.” I was a little surprised. I mean, it was his wake.

But as I spoke with my friends, I realized that open-casket viewings were not as common as I had assumed.

It turns out that one of my closest friends had never been to open casket viewing.

When I read that 20 percent of all memorial services are cremations, I couldn't believe that I had never attended a cremation service.

Then my friend pointed out that I have, in fact, attended a cremation service. One of our professors passed away while we were students at Cayuga.

“Don't you remember leaving your card next to that pine chest?” Thinking back on it, I do. But it never occurred to me at the time that someone local might be cremated. In a predominately Christian area, I just assumed that everyone was buried.

Burial is frightening for some, concerned about claustrophobia or being in the dark.

Cremation frightens people also, as there are those who shudder at the thought of being burned; all legitimate concerns.

I suppose that is part of the reason why more people are planning their funerals in advance, specifically outlining details.

The more interments I attend, the more I realize that a good memorial needs two things; people and food. Cremation or burial; I'm impartial.

I say, spend the money on the caterers. Get people eating and talking and laughing, bar none, the best way to celebrate a life.

Estabrook's column appears Mondays and she can be reached at estabrookcarole@yahoo.com