People have always told me that I'm cynical, but I've never felt that a fair assessment.

I don't always make the blanket assumption that everyone's motivation is personal gain. But when something seems a 100 percent selfless endeavor, I think it's wise to take notice.

I didn't always feel this way, but I read the newspaper and I watch CNN. It's hard to drop a few dollars in a charity jar, especially after the horrible misuse of 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina funds. And I'm not talking about the coffee jar at the gas station; these were reputable organizations like the Red Cross.

I give willingly to the Salvation Army because I've seen how the money is used. I've shopped at the store and I've been to the soup kitchen. It has proven to be a legitimate organization. But I've seen people slide $10 bills into plastic jars that read, “This Christmas, Help Feed a Stray Cat or Dog.”

What?!

Even if that is a legitimate association, I'm certainly not going to donate money so that some wahoo can chuck Alpo at a coyote. If you really want to help control the pet population, have your pet spayed or neutered. Better yet, go to the SPCA and adopt a pet.

I'm not trying to bag on nationally recognized organizations, but if four boxes of Girl Scout cookies cost $20, why are these kids still paying dues? Is construction paper really that expensive? Is there a union?

I guess I'm just jaded. I actually enjoy being generous, especially around the holidays. I just wish someone could help restore my faith in charities. It would be nice to know that some of those donations are actually going to people in need and not into the pocket of some shady bigwig. I would almost rather partake in a “pay it forward” movement. Shovel the sidewalk of an elderly neighbor or pass along some gently used items to a local church.

In the end, I guess it really doesn't matter how a monetary donation is used as long as it's selflessly given. Besides, I am sure for every crooked charity there is an honest organization with genuine intentions. If everyone else views the holidays with a blanket of trust, perhaps it will help counter balance the stingy skeptics, like me.

Estabrook's column appears Mondays in The Citizen, and she can be reached at estabrookcarole@yahoo.com