“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”

- Eric Hoffer

Just as I am reaching the bottom of my Halloween candy dish, here comes another holiday; Thanksgiving. Oh the joy of coming together with the family, eating a big meal and waiting for the inevitable blowout. A typical Molloy clan gathering can make the L.A. riots seem like a Girl Scout picnic. I've been witness to such bonding experiences as the “Let's play black olive dodge ball” to seeing mash potatoes used as an offensive weapon. I won't even go into the sorted details that made up the great “Wishbone” incident. My giblets are still shaky from that one. Thanksgiving though is the thinking man's holiday. A day to look back and spend some time in deep reflection. I guess since it's the day of thanks you should think about what your grateful for.

Not to sound too shallow, but the last time I did any reflecting was in the mirror this morning. At that moment the only thing I was grateful for was having a steady hand while trying to shave with a dull razor after only three hours of sleep. Yeah I know I really nailed the essence of the holiday, but hey, I've said it once and I'll say it a few more thousand times. You want deep; go read Nietkzie. As for me I'm staying in the shallow end of the pool so I can keep my head above water.

So, getting back to the point of the upcoming gastric celebration, we have to ask ourselves this one question: “How much turkey is too much turkey?”

Before we get into the bird debate let's look at the figures.

According to the Butterball hot line the allotted proportion of meat to mouth is one pound per person. Now some will heartily shout out that no matter what evidence I may present there is no “too much” when it comes to turkey. These are the folks that will be bringing in a bagged lunch to work every day the following week and then tell you about the soup their going to create from whatever else is left on the platter. For people like this turkey is an endurance food. They just want to see just how far they can stretch the meal out. My own grandmother once carried the holiday spirit on so long I thought we were going to have to perform an exorcism so ole' Tom Turkey could finally be laid to rest.

So unless you have a fetish for sandwiches, avoid them at all costs because these are also the same people that will try and “split” a piece of gum with you.

For me, I can live with only one recycling of fowl. Once I am finished with the pumpkin pie I feel the meal has run it's course and I'm ready to move onto a different entree.

But no matter what side of this argument you take just remember to be thankful, after all, you could be the turkey.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com