“Who ever said you can't buy happiness forgot about little puppies.”

- Gene Hill

So, we've been apart for two weeks, and, as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Did you miss me? Well now that the local politicians have had their day and the voters have spoken, not that any leader will be listening, it's time to get back to normal and looking into what really matters.

Namely, what's happening in my world.

Now, as you know, I've recently moved back to our great city and to be honest, so far I've been enjoying myself.

You don't really appreciate the finer things a city has to offer - such as having delivery pizza - until you've lived out in the country for a while.

I understand we might have a rush-hour traffic problem in the city but realize that that is nothing compared with the crisp smell of being stuck behind a honey wagon on a hot day. For those inexperienced with the farming lifestyle, a honey wagon isn't carrying a load of sweetener.

Well, all that aside, there is something missing from my life #- a little companionship. So I have decided to make some changes to my living arrangement with the addition of a pet.

Now with pets you have to choose wisely. The first step in choosing your household companion is finding out what type of person you are. If you're the kind of person that is pretty lazy and self-centered, then I think a cat would be a wise choice. A cat doesn't really care if you're in the room or not. All a cat thinks about is whether it's getting milk.

Just know that a cat is a big investment because that new couch that you paid two grand for will be nothing but a suede scratching post once those claws realize how much fun it is to dig into. So when kitty comes into your home start saving up for that next round of furniture.

If you're actually trying to get a pet you can be playful with, then, like me, you'll get a dog. A dog is man's best friend. You want to know why? Because they never ask a question like “Does this collar make me look fat?”

While I'm on this point I have to lay down a key rule for dog owners. Don't call your dogs your “kids” unless your actual children regularly drank from a toilet bowl and peed on the carpet, and if they did then I will be keeping a strong eye on you at my next dinner party and I certainly won't serve you any alcohol. I'll just leave the bathroom door ajar and tell you to have at it saying, “It's an open bar.”

I would say fish are pets, but I've developed a taste for sushi and I can't live with anything related to a menu item, so Nemo is off limits for me.

So I don't know what I'll get, but since everyone says I live in a pigsty, maybe I'll just get a potbelly; at least it'll feel right at home.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at

lovonian@hotmail.com