If you are a fan of “Grey's Anatomy,” “ER” or “House,” you may think that the love life of a doctor is very glamorous and highly exciting. Truthfully, this really isn't so. Doctors often struggle to maintain a good marriage in the face of markedly demanding pressures in their workplace.
Times really have changed. Looking back to when I started medical school (about 25 years ago), most doctors were men. The doctor's wife often devoted her life to caring for her physician spouse, the children and perhaps coordinating a busy social life. Doctors earned a good salary and did not have huge medical school loans, so normally a woman did not have to work to help support her family.
Today's medical school classes are more than 50 percent women, and graduating students are often faced with huge loans to repay. As these women physicians marry, new marriage dynamics are created. If a female doctor marries a man in another profession, who is the primary breadwinner? Who takes on more of the household responsibilities? If the couple is a two-doctor family, these questions may be even harder to answer. Some couples may choose to completely reverse traditional marriage roles. Others attempt to find workable compromise situations.
Medicine is an extremely demanding profession. Illness and injury have no set schedule causing the physician-spouse to miss meals, parties, ball games and holidays.
The emotional pressure is probably also different than in a lot of other professions. If something goes wrong at most people's jobs, there may be a reprimand or a financial consequence. When something goes wrong in the doctor's job, it can mean a patient does not do well or a family is put in crisis. Doctors are dealing with life and death issues all the time, and the emotional burdens can be very great. It is very hard to see someone die of cancer during the day and then go home and be charming and funny at a family dinner. The stress on the job can easily affect how a person interacts with their family at home.
For some physicians, the situation just seems to work out well. When our children were born, we made a decision that we did not want to use day care. Since I was in the Army (not a job you can just quit), the practical solution was for my husband to stay home and assume the role of “Mr. Mom.” It worked so well for us that he was home until the children were in high school. During that time, he not only managed the home front, but was able to put his MBA degree to use in helping with the business aspects of a medical practice. Skip currently works as a full-time practice manager for Deborah A. Geer Surgical, PLLC.
Our children benefited by having dad at home. He was patient and a great mentor. All the other children in the neighborhood also thought it was great having a dad at home.
In a medical marriage where struggles are involved, it would be so nice to say, “Physician, heal Thyself#,” but this usually doesn't work. No couple, whether in medicine or not, is alone in the struggle to make a successful marriage relationship. The task of accepting and enjoying each other's growth and achievements is an ongoing challenge to every couple's maturity.
Dr. Deborah Geer is a general surgeon with a special interest in breast surgery. Reach her at 253-4536.
Today's medical school classes are more than 50 percent women, and graduating students are often faced with huge loans to repay. As these women physicians marry, new marriage dynamics are created. If a female doctor marries a man in another profession, who is the primary breadwinner? Who takes on more of the household responsibilities? If the couple is a two-doctor family, these questions may be even harder to answer. Some couples may choose to completely reverse traditional marriage roles. Others attempt to find workable compromise situations.
Medicine is an extremely demanding profession. Illness and injury have no set schedule causing the physician-spouse to miss meals, parties, ball games and holidays.
The emotional pressure is probably also different than in a lot of other professions. If something goes wrong at most people's jobs, there may be a reprimand or a financial consequence. When something goes wrong in the doctor's job, it can mean a patient does not do well or a family is put in crisis. Doctors are dealing with life and death issues all the time, and the emotional burdens can be very great. It is very hard to see someone die of cancer during the day and then go home and be charming and funny at a family dinner. The stress on the job can easily affect how a person interacts with their family at home.
For some physicians, the situation just seems to work out well. When our children were born, we made a decision that we did not want to use day care. Since I was in the Army (not a job you can just quit), the practical solution was for my husband to stay home and assume the role of “Mr. Mom.” It worked so well for us that he was home until the children were in high school. During that time, he not only managed the home front, but was able to put his MBA degree to use in helping with the business aspects of a medical practice. Skip currently works as a full-time practice manager for Deborah A. Geer Surgical, PLLC.
Our children benefited by having dad at home. He was patient and a great mentor. All the other children in the neighborhood also thought it was great having a dad at home.
In a medical marriage where struggles are involved, it would be so nice to say, “Physician, heal Thyself#,” but this usually doesn't work. No couple, whether in medicine or not, is alone in the struggle to make a successful marriage relationship. The task of accepting and enjoying each other's growth and achievements is an ongoing challenge to every couple's maturity.
Dr. Deborah Geer is a general surgeon with a special interest in breast surgery. Reach her at 253-4536.
