“I guess cows aren't into the four food groups, especially when they are two of them.”

- Anthony Clark

So much to talk about this week that I just hope it all fits. It's been a busy weekend so far because that perennial of summer activities is happening as I write this piece; the great New York State Fair! People are really enjoying what this great state of ours has to offer.

I just hope that the scandal that went on in the cow building doesn't spoil the enjoyment for the fairgoers. Oh, you didn't hear the gossip, well let me just clue you in on a little secret I heard while enjoying my wine slushy.

And while I'm on that topic, aren't they just the best beverage to enjoy while trying to avoid all the people around you?

Anyway, the word on the street is that some of the cows have been found to have had some cosmetic work performed before the beauty pageant.

Seems old Bessie was feeling inferior when paired up against those younger calves and had a bit of udder augmentation done. And it was quite obvious that those teats weren't real. Sure they were firm and they looked great but it's the stress of competition, and this mentality to achieve perfection, that drives these bovine beauties to go to these extreme lengths. Now some will blame the farmer; some will blame the cow. Me? I blame society as a whole. After all, who are we to judge a cow?

With my beverage in hand, I move on through the dairy building.

I would have to say that the butter sculpture has always made me feel as though I have missed my calling in life. Now I have always thought of myself as an artist, but my medium of choice was paints, not churned butter.

The point being, when I was a little kid, my parents would always tell me to stop playing with my food. There I would sit at the dinner table creating mountains out of mashed potatoes and rivers of gravy. Who knows?

Perhaps if my creative juices weren't stifled at that tender age, I might have been so bold as to expand into sculpting images out of margarine. I know that the sculptures at the fair are made from butter but hey, a kid has to start somewhere.

It's also in the dairy building that you realize that unlike anywhere else in life, at the fair, you will buy anything as long as you have to stand in a long line to get it. Only the person who has never waited 20 minutes to purchase a cup of milk can truly say that I'm wrong on this one.

Then of course you have all those barkers selling things in the Center of Progress building.

Just one question though, when did owning a set of knives, or a mop that picks up absolutely everything begin to constitute “progress”?

Just a thought, but hey as I said before, after a few wine slushies, everything starts to make sense.

Auburn native Bradley Molly's column appears here,

each Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com