SENNETT - Jan Ripley doesn't deny she used methamphetamine. She doesn't deny she helped cook the stimulant for herself and people she knew.

But she is worried sick over what will be left of her life after being sentenced last month to one year in the Cayuga County Jail. She had pleaded guilty to the felony of third-degree unlawful manufacture of meth for possessing ingredients for cooking the drug, including a partially filled 120-gallon tank of anhydrous ammonia.

She will likely serve eight months, including time taken off her sentence under state rules. She is awaiting sentencing Aug. 16 for another charge, the felony of third-degree criminal sale of a controlled substance.

“I would take probation for life just to have my life,” Ripley said during a recent interview at the Cayuga County Jail with her attorney, Jethro Loftus, present.

Her court case began following a search warrant executed last December at 5426 Murphy Hill Road in Moravia by the Cayuga County Sheriff's Office and the New York State Police.

She wasn't a big meth drug dealer, Ripley said. She made it along with a small group of friends for their own consumption.

“I don't think meth is a drug that mature people go out and deal on the streets. It was a little group that stayed amongst themselves,” Ripley said. “What we did was not a big assembly line. It was just for our own

personal use.”

She teared up when talking about her grandsons and her worries about them. In particular, she said she has been a big part of her 4-year-old grandson's life. The little boy, who wants to be a dog trainer when he grows up, has a pony at Ripley's home.

“How do you tell your grandson his pony has got to be sold? You can't,” she said.

She doesn't know how she'll keep up with mortgage payments behind bars. She doesn't know how long her three horses, pony, five cats, two rabbits and dog will have care from her friends. She has told her friends one horse should be euthanized without her there to take care of him.

The 48-year-old has lived in Moravia her whole life. She has milked cows, cleaned houses, managed convenience stores and worked in factories. She has trained and showed horses. Most recently she worked at a packing plant in Cortland, where they were ready to send her to get more specialized training in preparation for a promotion, she said.

“I'm costing the taxpayers.” Ripley said. “I could be out there working and taking care of myself.”

The blonde with a tanned face got into meth three or four years ago because of an ex-boyfriend she declined to name.

“I'm pretty easily persuaded,” Ripley admitted.

She says she has been through many drug phases and could have become a full-blown alcoholic except for intensive counseling she underwent 20 years ago.

“When I was young I drank. I drank for the wrong reasons,” Ripley said.

She got a three-year order of protection against her ex-boyfriend because of his strung-out, violent behavior, she said. He would consume chunks of meth that could have killed someone. At times, he thought she was two different people. He threw a dog. He broke things.

“He did way, way too much,” Ripley said. “He was finally labeled a paranoid schizophrenic.”

Meth increases wakefulness for days at a time, but long-term use can cause hallucinations psychotic episodes and

strokes.

Ripley said she used meth because “it just gave you a little more extra energy. I'm already energetic.”

She said she gave away more than she used herself. Friends used lines of six inches, while she used lines of closer to one inch. She said she kept the meth ingredients and equipment in the barn or with her horse equipment in her cellar, away from the reach of her grandchildren Ripley admitting in court using meth in April.

Ripley's initial attorney was Doug Bates, who she knew from handling her divorce and other legal matters. After her first plea, she hired Liverpool attorney Eric Smith. Under his advice, she tearfully pleaded guilty July 3 to the second meth-related charge. Ripley said during her plea she didn't remember selling the stimulant but she couldn't contest conducting the sale of 1.7 grams of methamphetamine to a confidential informant April 4 at her residence.

During the interview, Ripley said she pleaded guilty under the advice of her first two attorneys. Otherwise, she would have fought her case to the point of a jury trial because of a number of reasons she wasn't ready to go on the record with.

She hired Loftus the night before her sentencing date last month. Ripley has filed a notice of appeal preserving her right to appeal the first guilty plea, and Loftus is preparing a motion to seek to withdraw Ripley's second guilty plea. ��

“I felt hopeless, helpless” until contacting Loftus the night before her sentencing, Ripley said.

Codefendant Michael Hagin, 44 of 2446 Rockefeller Road, Moravia, previously was sentenced to one year in state prison and one year of post-release supervision for the felony of third-degree unlawful manufacture of methamphetamine. �������

Ripley still dreams of horses. She misses her grandchildren. She started counseling while her court case

was pending. She says she will not use meth again. ����

“I have more to do in my life. I'm not going to let it mess up my life again,” Ripley said.