Fostering self-esteem

By David Wilcox / The Citizen

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 11:39 AM EDT

AUBURN - Most children learn in high school health class that self-esteem is like a balloon.
Jennifer Meyers / The Citizen
Becky Phillips, left, speaks with Jenn Aaserud, center, and Wendy Aaserud during EPIC's “Fostering Self-Esteem” workshop in Auburn Tuesday evening.
But a rubber sphere metaphor may seem reductionist.

After all, self-esteem is a psychological construct subject to every stressor one may encounter in their environment. It affects our actions, and our actions - and those of others - affect it.

The central New York office of Every Person Influences Children (EPIC) hosted a workshop last week to help parents and children understand how sensitive self-esteem is to what we say and do.

Facilitator Nancy Kratz took her intimate audience through “Fostering Self-Esteem,” a series of scenarios and exercises that explored the fragility of self-esteem and its importance to our well-being.

She emphasized how a child's sense of worth extends to their relationships with others.

“People pick up on that,” Kratz said.

Kratz started the session by asking the group to generate a list of one or two things they do well.

Each shared physical and social skills that strengthen their confidence in themselves.

The workshop then turned to a series of hypothetical situations that asked the participants to suggest what responses would either increase or decrease someone's self-esteem.

Parent Wendy Aaserud, of Auburn, felt the most beneficial aspect of the situations was “Learning from everybody.”

When asked how to respond to a child who gives up riding a bike or hastily crosses the street without holding a parent's hand, the participants suggested appropriate discipline coupled with loving concern.

“Daily situations present us with opportunities. We have to put aside our reaction in order to support self-esteem, not tear it down,” Kratz said.

When playing a game with a child, a parent's reaction to the result affects the child's self-esteem.

Encouraging them to persist if they lose and attributing their wins to skill are a few ways to elevate their confidence.

“But don't let their heads swell too much,” Kratz said. “It's more about playing the game than the win.”

Kevin McAvaney, an Auburn parent, learned from the exercises “that I'm not a bad parent and that after all, I do good things,” he said.

The parents and children in attendance at the EPIC workshop walked away with a finer understanding of the complexity of self-esteem, and how they can contribute to strengthening it in the people they love most.

Staff writer David Wilcox can be reached at 253-5311 ext. 245 or david.wilcox@lee.net

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