“The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?”

-Will Rogers

My friends, these are some financially stressful times we're living in. Let's just get right into it and take a look at the major culprits. What's the price of gasoline now, $3.25 a gallon? No matter how much sticker shock you get at the pumps, you might as well just take it in stride because what's the point of even getting upset about it? It's not like we have a whole lot of options when it comes to filling up the tank. I have found out first hand that a car doesn't run on inspiration alone. Maybe the Amish have the right idea about driving buggies, but I'm just a little concerned as to where they put the nozzle when they need to fill the horse with gas.

There might be some hope on the horizon though. A friend showed me what he found online about turning my gas engine into one of those runs-on-vegetable-oil conversions. Now I'm open to all sorts of money saving ideas but this one I'm hesitant about because I am a picky eater and I don't want to get into an argument with the Escort over what type of oil it's getting. Perhaps it doesn't want Wesson and I come to find out that after all these years that it's a Crisco kind of car. Then what am I to do? And forget about the price of gas; do you know what shortening costs by the gallon? Even with one of those wholesale club memberships I'm sure it would be a lot of cash. That and if I did decide to convert to vegetable oil I'd then have the headache of going and getting my car inspected only to have it fail the test because of high cholesterol. I have enough on my plate trying to keep myself in shape without having to resort to putting my ride on a diet. The only bright side I see to the oil intervention is that if the car ever over heated I guess I could pull over to the side of the road and make some french fries while I waited for the tow truck.

But it's not just the daily necessities that are soaring in price either. When I was younger soda would run you about seventy-five cents. Now a twelve ounce bottle of pop costs a buck fifty! And let's not even talk about the movies. Movie theaters make Exxon seem like Good Will. I wanted to see “Pirates of The Caribbean” 3 but my credit application was turned down so now I have to wait to rent it on DVD. A small popcorn can set you back six dollars, and candy's marked up to about twenty-five cents a Skittle. The way prices are soaring it's almost enough to drive you crazy, but the good news about that journey is now that I'm all upset about spending; it wouldn't be that long of a trip. So I won't be wasting any gas.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen,

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com