“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.”

- Robert Orben

So, as I wrote a few weeks ago, I am still trying to decide as to what I'll do for a vacation. My quest for relaxation must have struck a chord with some people because I received quite a few e-mails about what I should do on my downtime. Some of the suggestions I actually will be trying to get to over the course of the summer.

My favorites so far have been simple things like camping, hiking, going to an amusement park and one person offered the unique idea of a dinner cruise. Now being on a lake I can handle, but anything involving an ocean is strictly forbidden. You might ask why it is that I wouldn't want to go on a “real” cruise? Well, one word: Titanic. My father has taken several cruises and tells me that the first thing they do when you get on the ship is make you practice what to do if the boat suddenly sinks. Those are two words that should never be put in the same sentence “suddenly” and “sinking.” It's this doom mentality that keeps me from flying on airplanes as well because, once again, the first thing they do is show you the exits and what to do in the event of an emergency. Let's be reasonable here, if I was ever to be on a plane and there was an “emergency” at 20,000 feet, the last thing I would want to do is step outside for some fresh air.

As much as I appreciate all the ideas that folks shared with me there was one that stuck out as the most peculiar. It was the idea of taking an “Eco-vacation.” For those of you, myself included, who had never heard of such a thing it is where you go someplace tropical say, the Amazon, and try and help re-build the rain forests. My only response to this is a simple and quaint, “Umm, no.”

It's not that I have anything against trying to help save the Earth, after all it's where I keep most of my things. No, my disinterest comes more from a lack of cooperation than anything else. The way I see it anytime my house needs cleaning or that time last year when I had to repair the gutters on the roof, I didn't notice any exotic wildlife making a special trip over to the Molloy homestead and pick up a hammer. I had to do it all by myself.

Let's say; just for the sake of argument, I decided to forgo my fear of flight and actually did travel all the way to the Amazon. The only exotic creatures I want to be watching are the ones that wear bikinis; and from what I gather the help they need most is assistance in applying sun tan lotion to their backs. Now that's my idea of being eco-friendly.

I'll send a postcard.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com