“If you make a habit of buying things you do not need, you will soon be selling things you do.”

- Filipino Proverb

I've been trying in vain to clean my closets and I'm finding a lot of junk.

Actually I can't say it's junk because everything either works or, at least, isn't broken, but there is definitely too much stuff in my house. To give you some clue into my dilemma, let me just run off some items I am finding.

At this moment I have three VCRs; yet I only own one television. For some unknown reason I have two George Foreman grills.

And in case I ever feel the need to open my own margarita bar well, rest assured that pair of blenders I have in the kitchen cupboard will finally get some use.

How did it get this way? Simple, my family, like most, has no idea what I want when it comes time to give gifts. Christmas is basically a white elephant extravaganza. I could tell them that all I'd like is just a new book or CD.

But what do I end up unwrapping? Oh, my, a fondue pot, (note the heavy sarcasm). Just what I always wanted.

I have heard it been said that possession is nine-tenths of the law, well if that is the case then I am planning on plea bargaining my way out of this because there is only one way to rid myself of these “necessities” and that brings me to my latest adventure. I'm having a garage sale.

Now I wanted to get the word out on the street but I also have this conflict about truth in advertising. I didn't want signs that say “Garage Sale” when I don't really have a garage, and I also didn't want to print out “Lawn Sale” seeing as though the only stuff for sale was crap from my closet, not any of my flowers in the backyard.

I thought of being goofy and just writing “Guy Sale,” and while that might up the female foot traffic, I'm not sure my ego could handle a woman trying to power bargain my asking price.

Granted I might not come with a warranty but I still I think I have some lasting value.

I've decided to call it a “Rummage Sale” only because it sounds sort of like rubbish, and that's where everything is going if no one buys anything.

From past experiences I have learned that there is a subculture among those that go to garage sales. First of all, they start early, I'm talking 8 in the morning early, that's before I've even had my first cup of coffee.

They are a crafty bunch, too. They get you when you are at your most vulnerable, usually right at the end of the day, and wind up getting a still-in-the-box crock-pot for only a buck.

But as that old saying goes. Posters for the sale: $10. Stickers for labeling: $5. Not having to deal with a house full of useless products: Priceless.

Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here, each

Sunday, in The Citizen.

He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com