“All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder; is the ladder.”
- Anonymous
Before I begin to drop science on the class of 2007, I just have one question that has been on my mind all evening: Why is it that when my parents sent me off to school to become a fine upstanding young man, I had to put on a “gown” before the principle would give me my diploma?
There I was, my family snapping pictures of their pride and joy, standing while wearing a dress.
What's next, high heels and a purse to match? Not only was I in a gown but I wasn't even accessorized properly.
The only valuable part of the outfit, I found, was the tassel. Without that what would I have hung from my car's rear view mirror?
Oh well, on to the graduates.
Kids, you'll be hearing a lot of people telling you over the course of the coming weeks that you are one of America's greatest natural resources.
Well, take this moment and look at the state of the world right now and notice what America does with its greatest natural resources? Scared yet?
Keep that in mind as you move forward on your chosen paths.
Here are a few other little lessons that you might not have picked up on.
It's great that you studied hard, and hopefully you'll be moving on to higher education, but as you stretch your brains, it's also time to start getting your body in shape for the rat race that is to come.
You may be asking why you'll need to be in top physical shape when your future plans are to become an accountant or some such thing.
Well you see, when you finally enter the workforce you'll be jumping through hoops like a poodle on crack, so it's better to prepare now that you're young and flexible.
Also, you'll be happy to learn that now that you have graduated you will be getting a clean slate, as it were. Remember way back, I don't know, perhaps it was the second grade and you got caught screwing around in class and the teacher looked down on you and said that your actions were going to go on your permanent record?
Well, surprise, unless it actually involved someone wearing a badge, there is no permanent record.
No one is going to care that you tried to make fart sounds using your armpit.
Although, with the popularity of YouTube, that might actually be a skill that will get you fame and fortune. Who knows, you might end up being the next Johnny Knoxville.
Probably the only solid advice I can dispense to you is this: Be careful with the people you come across during your climb to the top, because the toes you step on today might just be connected to the butt you have to kiss tomorrow.
Good luck.
Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here,
each Sunday, in The Citizen.
He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com
Before I begin to drop science on the class of 2007, I just have one question that has been on my mind all evening: Why is it that when my parents sent me off to school to become a fine upstanding young man, I had to put on a “gown” before the principle would give me my diploma?
There I was, my family snapping pictures of their pride and joy, standing while wearing a dress.
What's next, high heels and a purse to match? Not only was I in a gown but I wasn't even accessorized properly.
The only valuable part of the outfit, I found, was the tassel. Without that what would I have hung from my car's rear view mirror?
Oh well, on to the graduates.
Kids, you'll be hearing a lot of people telling you over the course of the coming weeks that you are one of America's greatest natural resources.
Well, take this moment and look at the state of the world right now and notice what America does with its greatest natural resources? Scared yet?
Keep that in mind as you move forward on your chosen paths.
Here are a few other little lessons that you might not have picked up on.
It's great that you studied hard, and hopefully you'll be moving on to higher education, but as you stretch your brains, it's also time to start getting your body in shape for the rat race that is to come.
You may be asking why you'll need to be in top physical shape when your future plans are to become an accountant or some such thing.
Well you see, when you finally enter the workforce you'll be jumping through hoops like a poodle on crack, so it's better to prepare now that you're young and flexible.
Also, you'll be happy to learn that now that you have graduated you will be getting a clean slate, as it were. Remember way back, I don't know, perhaps it was the second grade and you got caught screwing around in class and the teacher looked down on you and said that your actions were going to go on your permanent record?
Well, surprise, unless it actually involved someone wearing a badge, there is no permanent record.
No one is going to care that you tried to make fart sounds using your armpit.
Although, with the popularity of YouTube, that might actually be a skill that will get you fame and fortune. Who knows, you might end up being the next Johnny Knoxville.
Probably the only solid advice I can dispense to you is this: Be careful with the people you come across during your climb to the top, because the toes you step on today might just be connected to the butt you have to kiss tomorrow.
Good luck.
Auburn native Bradley Molloy's column appears here,
each Sunday, in The Citizen.
He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com
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