AUBURN - Richard Walrad doesn't remember trying to kill his ex-girlfriend, her son and himself after the woman and her son came with a moving van to move her possessions out of Walrad's 5 Howard St. Auburn, home Oct. 13, 2005.

Walrad's lack of memory of the incident became the turning point for his guilty plea in Cayuga County Court Tuesday.

Based on witness statements, police interviews and Walrad's alleged admissions to emergency room personnel, Walrad walked with a gasoline can to a nearby gas station as his estranged girlfriend of five years tried to move out, Chief Assistant District Attorney Jon Budelmann said. The woman and her son called the police, but began to move out the possessions with Walrad gone.

When Walrad returned, he began to pour gasoline on the woman, her son and himself in the second floor of his home, saying that he would rather die than lose her. Walrad struggled with the woman for a lighter in her pocket. When police arrived, Walrad stood in his driveway covered with gasoline, begging for them to shoot him because he had nothing to live for.

Walrad's head slumped as Budelmann recited the evidence that the people would enter against him at trial.

“I don't remember what happened, sir,” Walrad told Judge Mark Fandrich. “I would like to. I have tried for over a year.”

Walrad's current attorney Doug Bates came with his client to court last month to have Walrad plead guilty under a plea bargain to second-degree attempted murder and second-degree attempted arson. But the case was rescheduled until Tuesday because Walrad said he didn't remember his actions and Fandrich wanted Walrad to be sure of pleading guilty under an Alford plea. Alford pleas are used when a defendant does not recall a crime they are charged with committing, but they do not dispute the crime and want to plead guilty.

Walrad's former attorney Simon Moody had explored if Walrad could enter a plea of not responsible by reason of mental disease and defect because of lead poisoning. But mental health officials said that Walrad did not qualify for that defense.

So, even without the memory of trying to take a former loved one's life, Walrad said he was sure that he wanted to plead guilty.

“I'm doing this because I don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison,” said Walrad, a man with a white whiskers, uncombed brown hair and sometimes halting speech. “If I got to court and lose at trial I will spend the rest of my life in prison.”

Fandrich has promised to sentence Walrad to no more than 12 years in state prison. Walrad was indicted on five felonies and one misdemeanor. He faced up to 25 years in prison for the attempted murder charges.

Fandrich's guidance of Walrad's allocution of his guilty plea was halting as Fandrich repeated his questions and ensured Walrad understood the ramifications of pleading guilty under an uncommon plea.

Walrad will be sentenced March 6 on the felony charges of second-degree attempted murder and second-degree attempted arson. He has been in jail since last year on bail set at $100,000 cash or $200,00 bond.

Budelmann said Walrad's Alford plea was important for closure in the case. “ For public policy, we normally want people to admit what they did,” Budelmann said.

Bates could not be reached for comment Tuesday afternoon.

Last month, as Walrad was led from the courtroom, upset that his guilty plea was not yet accepted, he asked,“ I did what I was supposed to, right?”

He asked the same question again as he was led from the courtroom Tuesday after finally entering his guilty plea.

Staff writer Amaris Elliott-Engel can be reached at 253-5311 ext. 282 or at amaris.elliot-engel@lee.net