“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.”
- William James
Go to the Cayuga County Office Building and get in that parade of human variety that is the DMV and you'll inevitably hear the echoing chorus of people chanting “There's nothing to do in Auburn!”
But after a recent trip to Darien Lake, I have come to realize that all this city needs is the right marketing for the theme park adventure package.
How so? Let me explain ...
1. We have long lines.
Just try and go through Wal-Mart with seven items and only 10 minutes to spare. There's 50 checkouts but only one cashier. There are people that say Wal-Mart is tearing this country apart, but that's not really true. It's bringing us all together ... in one single line!
2. We have huge parking lots.
I have to now assume that the term “one-stop shopping” is quite accurate because once you stop, you don't want to ever go anywhere again.
If the thought of looking for an open spot doesn't want to make you just ram those automatic doors, the true pleasure is savored when you exit anywhere and come to the cold realization that you have indeed lost the car.
It's like “Where's Waldo” trying to find the Escort in a sea of automobiles.
The only thing worse than not finding your car is finding a car that you think is your car. It takes an Amber alert now to just find your ride.
And don't give me that “but the poles are numbered” thing. That's just a tease.
Everyone knows those guys with the orange vests change them around once you get inside.
One final thought: The only other person worse than you at this moment is the scholar who must actually activate his alarm to locate his vehicle.
3. We have high priced and scary rides.
To enjoy this ride, all you do is not have a car in Auburn and call a cab company and the adventure begins.
And it starts with a driver that upon first impressions, seems like someone on death row that just got a Dear John letter and the skills of Jeff Gordon after a weekend bender.
If nothing else, Auburnians are a brave and exciting bunch.
4. The curves, bumps and dips
But I'll move on here because I think city hall has been the focus of too much discussion as it is.
So come on down to Auburn for the weekend. You'll lose your mind, have to put up with strangers and their nagging kids; traffic that not only grinds but also grates, minces and chops (just look at the undercarriage sometime); and in the end you'll have no money left in your pockets and nothing to show for it.
I'm planning on a trip next Saturday, looks like my ticket is already being left for me on my windshield.... how thoughtful.
Auburn native Bradley Molly's columns appear Sundays in The Citizen. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com
Go to the Cayuga County Office Building and get in that parade of human variety that is the DMV and you'll inevitably hear the echoing chorus of people chanting “There's nothing to do in Auburn!”
But after a recent trip to Darien Lake, I have come to realize that all this city needs is the right marketing for the theme park adventure package.
How so? Let me explain ...
1. We have long lines.
Just try and go through Wal-Mart with seven items and only 10 minutes to spare. There's 50 checkouts but only one cashier. There are people that say Wal-Mart is tearing this country apart, but that's not really true. It's bringing us all together ... in one single line!
2. We have huge parking lots.
I have to now assume that the term “one-stop shopping” is quite accurate because once you stop, you don't want to ever go anywhere again.
If the thought of looking for an open spot doesn't want to make you just ram those automatic doors, the true pleasure is savored when you exit anywhere and come to the cold realization that you have indeed lost the car.
It's like “Where's Waldo” trying to find the Escort in a sea of automobiles.
The only thing worse than not finding your car is finding a car that you think is your car. It takes an Amber alert now to just find your ride.
And don't give me that “but the poles are numbered” thing. That's just a tease.
Everyone knows those guys with the orange vests change them around once you get inside.
One final thought: The only other person worse than you at this moment is the scholar who must actually activate his alarm to locate his vehicle.
3. We have high priced and scary rides.
To enjoy this ride, all you do is not have a car in Auburn and call a cab company and the adventure begins.
And it starts with a driver that upon first impressions, seems like someone on death row that just got a Dear John letter and the skills of Jeff Gordon after a weekend bender.
If nothing else, Auburnians are a brave and exciting bunch.
4. The curves, bumps and dips
But I'll move on here because I think city hall has been the focus of too much discussion as it is.
So come on down to Auburn for the weekend. You'll lose your mind, have to put up with strangers and their nagging kids; traffic that not only grinds but also grates, minces and chops (just look at the undercarriage sometime); and in the end you'll have no money left in your pockets and nothing to show for it.
I'm planning on a trip next Saturday, looks like my ticket is already being left for me on my windshield.... how thoughtful.
Auburn native Bradley Molly's columns appear Sundays in The Citizen. He can be reached at lovonian@hotmail.com
The Citizens' Say
There are 2 comment(s)
Dave Molloy wrote on Sep 28, 2006 7:06 AM:
annoyed auburn citizen wrote on Sep 26, 2006 7:25 PM: