When your world seems to cave in on you, how can you possibly feel good about yourself?

Aaron Beck believed he had the answer. Beck, the “father” of cognitive behavioral therapy, theorized that humans have within them two sets of beliefs about themselves. One set is positive; the other is negative.

When the world caves in on you, it is the negative set that is “activated” - the one to which you listen. It tells you that you are worthless, unlovable, incapable and bad. These are the core beliefs, Beck said, underlying depression.

The cure, then, is to believe the other set, the one that says you are valuable, lovable, capable and good. If these core beliefs are activated, your depression either lifts or just never happens in the first place.

This seemingly simplistic approach is not as easy as it looks. Until you learn how to recognize how you activate the negative set, and learn how to activate the positive set instead, you need some guidance from a qualified mental health therapist.

For some people, the negative set is so strongly activated that they cannot find any positives in their lives. If this describes you, I urge you to begin therapy immediately.

For the rest of us, the activation of both sets of beliefs fluctuates. We have our good days, and we have our bad days. Still, underneath it all, many more people are responding more to the negative set than you might realize.

How do we turn this around?

Beck believed that thoughts activate feelings, and together they initiate action. Neuropsychologists recognize that feelings actually come first. For instance, you feel fear before you think about a situation, because fear is a survival tactic that drives physical reaction. Think about that the next time you flinch at the sound of a wasp near your ear. Chances are you will at least feel some physiological response, such as your body tensing, before you even realize what you are hearing.

So if you feel first, then act, then think and perhaps change your action, how do you get your emotions under control enough to feel good about yourself as the world caves in?

You separate who you are from what you are and what you do. Base your self-image in positive qualities, such as patience, gentility, kindness and loving. If you do not feel you have such qualities, set a plan in place as soon as possible to help yourself develop them. When who you are is a good person, what you are and what you do will mirror it.

But it has to start from the inside, and cannot be based on doing. It must be based on being. It is not quantitative; it's qualitative.

One key is recognizing that you are human, that all humans make mistakes and that relatively few of those mistakes are so huge that the consequences are insurmountable. One applicable adage is, “Don't sweat the small stuff.” When you recognize that part of “who you are” is the “human” piece, it will become much easier for you to forgive yourself and others.

Recognize that our value as people comes from the simple fact that we exist. Military leaders and salesmen know the same principle: if you can change a person's perspective, you can sell them anything, even the idea that the enemy is somehow unhuman. We can kill anything that we perceive is unhuman, unfeeling or otherwise valueless.

Never let your feelings dictate that you are unhuman.

Grace MacDowell, M.A., of Auburn, is completing her doctorate in

clinical psychology. She can be reached at drmac2be@yahoo.com