This is part two in a series on foster care in Cayuga County. Today's story focuses on being a host parent in the Family to Family program.
Empty nest syndrome is what Carol Nevidomsky, a host parent for the past 14 years in Cayuga Counseling Services Family to Family program, attributes as the reason for getting involved with in foster care. That and the influence of her husband's aunt, who was already involved.
“I missed having kids around the house,” she said.
The Nevidomsky's enrolled in the training required to become foster or respite parents.
The program is run by the Office of Mental Health, Cayuga Counseling Services family specialist Charlotte Hoover said. The children can be intense, and some of the parents are mentally ill. Every child in the program has an Axis 1 diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Deficit Disorder or depression.
“Some kids have no social skills; they don't know how to act in public,” Hoover said.
To take on a role as a care giver both physically and emotionally, 30 hours of training acquaint host parents to certain behaviors and strengths that will help children work out problems happening in their lives, said Cayuga Counseling Services recruiter and trainer Candy Pridgeon. Training must continue, and the host parents must complete a certain number of hours each year.
The courses are often focused on specific topics, Nevidomsky said. “The last time was Internet training.”
The program consists of children ages 5 to 17. After a Family to Family director does an intake of the behavioral issues and mental health to determine they would not be a threat to the family, she determines if there is enough space and that the home meets standards. The next step is pairing the child with a compatible family, Pridgeon explained.
“Some of our foster parents are good with different issues,” she said. “Some prefer working with different types of problems. We try to pair in a way that is beneficial to both the child and the family.”
When a troubled child enters a home for the first time, the situation can be, and is often expected to be, intense.
“When we first started, it was like, ‘Do I really want to do this?” said Nevidomsky, remembering a young man who lived there for eight years. “When Steve came in, he acted like a monkey.”
It became a misconception that Steve was not able to do a lot of normal things, but Nevidomsky proudly admits that when he left he could take care of himself, ride a bus, take an airplane and be out in public alone.
“At first he was just surprised he was getting fed,” she said. “It was hard; I wasn't sure if I could do it. But if he didn't stay, I didn't know where he'd go. It was giving him a chance at life.”
Before sending a child to a foster home, there is a required pre-placement period. The child will go and spend an hour with the family and case worker, then time without the case worker and finally spend the night to make sure they will feel comfortable.
“If I had a bad feeling about someone, it's my choice,” Nevidomsky said, and the child would not be placed at her home. Or, if the child did not feel comfortable, another family would be found.
Cayuga Counseling Services gives continued support to the parents after a child is placed, Pridgeon said. Children will be taken to respite care if the parents become overwhelmed at one point. Host parents also get paid vacations and personal days.
“It's hard raising someone else's child,” Pridgeon said.
Nevidomsky can attest to that and if there are days she feels like she can't handle any more, she will send the two young women she is currently caring for, Alicia and Dominique, respite care.
“If I have those days, I just call Charlotte,” Nevidomsky said. “Charlotte gets the tough ones.”
Hoover said she is there when any of her host parents need her.
“Sometimes when something happens, the best thing to do is laugh about it a few days later,” she said. “It wasn't funny at the time, but it's all you can do. And you get to watch these children change.”
Options like this are made available because the last thing the program wants to do is unnecessarily move a child around too much to different homes.
“It's about improvement,” Hoover said. “We don't want to just fill space, we are about working on family.”
Staff writer Laura Boyce can be reached at 253-5311 ext. 236 or at laura.boyce@lee.net
“I missed having kids around the house,” she said.
The Nevidomsky's enrolled in the training required to become foster or respite parents.
The program is run by the Office of Mental Health, Cayuga Counseling Services family specialist Charlotte Hoover said. The children can be intense, and some of the parents are mentally ill. Every child in the program has an Axis 1 diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Deficit Disorder or depression.
“Some kids have no social skills; they don't know how to act in public,” Hoover said.
To take on a role as a care giver both physically and emotionally, 30 hours of training acquaint host parents to certain behaviors and strengths that will help children work out problems happening in their lives, said Cayuga Counseling Services recruiter and trainer Candy Pridgeon. Training must continue, and the host parents must complete a certain number of hours each year.
The courses are often focused on specific topics, Nevidomsky said. “The last time was Internet training.”
The program consists of children ages 5 to 17. After a Family to Family director does an intake of the behavioral issues and mental health to determine they would not be a threat to the family, she determines if there is enough space and that the home meets standards. The next step is pairing the child with a compatible family, Pridgeon explained.
“Some of our foster parents are good with different issues,” she said. “Some prefer working with different types of problems. We try to pair in a way that is beneficial to both the child and the family.”
When a troubled child enters a home for the first time, the situation can be, and is often expected to be, intense.
“When we first started, it was like, ‘Do I really want to do this?” said Nevidomsky, remembering a young man who lived there for eight years. “When Steve came in, he acted like a monkey.”
It became a misconception that Steve was not able to do a lot of normal things, but Nevidomsky proudly admits that when he left he could take care of himself, ride a bus, take an airplane and be out in public alone.
“At first he was just surprised he was getting fed,” she said. “It was hard; I wasn't sure if I could do it. But if he didn't stay, I didn't know where he'd go. It was giving him a chance at life.”
Before sending a child to a foster home, there is a required pre-placement period. The child will go and spend an hour with the family and case worker, then time without the case worker and finally spend the night to make sure they will feel comfortable.
“If I had a bad feeling about someone, it's my choice,” Nevidomsky said, and the child would not be placed at her home. Or, if the child did not feel comfortable, another family would be found.
Cayuga Counseling Services gives continued support to the parents after a child is placed, Pridgeon said. Children will be taken to respite care if the parents become overwhelmed at one point. Host parents also get paid vacations and personal days.
“It's hard raising someone else's child,” Pridgeon said.
Nevidomsky can attest to that and if there are days she feels like she can't handle any more, she will send the two young women she is currently caring for, Alicia and Dominique, respite care.
“If I have those days, I just call Charlotte,” Nevidomsky said. “Charlotte gets the tough ones.”
Hoover said she is there when any of her host parents need her.
“Sometimes when something happens, the best thing to do is laugh about it a few days later,” she said. “It wasn't funny at the time, but it's all you can do. And you get to watch these children change.”
Options like this are made available because the last thing the program wants to do is unnecessarily move a child around too much to different homes.
“It's about improvement,” Hoover said. “We don't want to just fill space, we are about working on family.”
Staff writer Laura Boyce can be reached at 253-5311 ext. 236 or at laura.boyce@lee.net
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