When one writes a column, it's always a pleasure to receive the clever and funny items from those who read “Gray Power.” Today we will feature a few of the contributions that have been sent in to “Gray Power,” in care of The Citizen, 25 Dill St. Keep 'em coming!

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror, taking a hard look at herself.

“You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is gray, my shoulders are hunched over. I've got fat legs, and my arms are very flabby.” She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

He studies hard for a moment, thinking about it, and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 a.m. at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.

Should children

witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on the bottom.

Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, “He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, smack his butt again.”

Things to ponder

1. Can you cry under water?

2. If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

4. How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

5. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby,” when babies wake up about every two hours?

6. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

7. Why are you “in” a movie, but you are “on” TV?

8. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

9. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

10. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

11. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

12. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Thanks, readers for sending in your clever and clean contributions. If they “pass muster,” they will appear soon.

Dorothy Nelson lives and writes in Auburn