What goes around, comes around.
Modeling is a highly effective method of teaching. Parents are strong models for their children, whether either wants to admit it or not. It is a factor in most of the theories of human behavior, including psychodynamic, behaviorism and family systems theories. Setting aside the role of genetics for a moment, let's look at how modeling works.
It's quite simple, really. If you want your children to grow up to be respectful adults, consistently model respect for others.
If you want your children to be warm, caring adults, model that behavior in every possible situation.
If you want your children to obey laws, rules, ordinances and other societal controls, then do not break the speed limit, lie on your taxes or justify yourself when you “bend the rules” yourself. Do not even bend the rules! (The underlying principle is called integrity.)
Many times, parents and extended family do not consider the full impact of their behaviors. Caught up in their own selfishness and immaturity, they do not comprehend the real lessons they are teaching. Let me give you a few examples, gleaned from the 2006 Auburn High School graduation.
When parents boo a teacher for grabbing a beach ball away from a graduating senior, especially after the superintendent of schools had requested the ball play cease, they are not being supportive of the students. They are teaching their children to selfishly disrespect authority and the rights of others.
When parents boo a teacher for grabbing a beach ball as a student marches to receive his diploma, they are not just expressing their disapproval of the teacher's actions. They are teaching their children to be disruptive and rude when the attention should be on someone else. They are teaching their children to be inwardly focused and not consider all aspects of a situation.
They are also encouraging rebellion. During the ceremony, parental behaviors gave ample reason for why one student could so proudly and boldly declare that his class had always found ways to challenge authority and boundaries. He thought his class was unique; in reality, it had a lemming mentality.
When parents insist that graduation antics are the right of the graduates, they are not supporting their children's “right” to celebrate as they please. They are teaching their children to belittle others when bored, impatient or incapable of mature behavior.
When parents jockey for picture-taking position, disregarding the rights and desires of others in front of whom they have positioned themselves, they teach their children to enjoy their selfishness at the expense of others.
On the other hand, when parents applaud for students who are not their children, they are teaching their children to value and respect each person equally.
When parents respectfully wait in line, without whining, they are teaching their children how to take turns. When parents express concern that a delay may be due to an unforeseen or accidental factor, rather than incompetence on someone's part, they teach their children to be outwardly focused, willing to consider options, take another person's perspective and recognize that someone else's needs might truly be more important at that moment.
Next week I'll discuss the most powerful model in our lives.
Grace MacDowell, M.A., of Auburn, is completing her doctorate in
clinical psychology. She can be reached at drmac2be@yahoo.com
It's quite simple, really. If you want your children to grow up to be respectful adults, consistently model respect for others.
If you want your children to be warm, caring adults, model that behavior in every possible situation.
If you want your children to obey laws, rules, ordinances and other societal controls, then do not break the speed limit, lie on your taxes or justify yourself when you “bend the rules” yourself. Do not even bend the rules! (The underlying principle is called integrity.)
Many times, parents and extended family do not consider the full impact of their behaviors. Caught up in their own selfishness and immaturity, they do not comprehend the real lessons they are teaching. Let me give you a few examples, gleaned from the 2006 Auburn High School graduation.
When parents boo a teacher for grabbing a beach ball away from a graduating senior, especially after the superintendent of schools had requested the ball play cease, they are not being supportive of the students. They are teaching their children to selfishly disrespect authority and the rights of others.
When parents boo a teacher for grabbing a beach ball as a student marches to receive his diploma, they are not just expressing their disapproval of the teacher's actions. They are teaching their children to be disruptive and rude when the attention should be on someone else. They are teaching their children to be inwardly focused and not consider all aspects of a situation.
They are also encouraging rebellion. During the ceremony, parental behaviors gave ample reason for why one student could so proudly and boldly declare that his class had always found ways to challenge authority and boundaries. He thought his class was unique; in reality, it had a lemming mentality.
When parents insist that graduation antics are the right of the graduates, they are not supporting their children's “right” to celebrate as they please. They are teaching their children to belittle others when bored, impatient or incapable of mature behavior.
When parents jockey for picture-taking position, disregarding the rights and desires of others in front of whom they have positioned themselves, they teach their children to enjoy their selfishness at the expense of others.
On the other hand, when parents applaud for students who are not their children, they are teaching their children to value and respect each person equally.
When parents respectfully wait in line, without whining, they are teaching their children how to take turns. When parents express concern that a delay may be due to an unforeseen or accidental factor, rather than incompetence on someone's part, they teach their children to be outwardly focused, willing to consider options, take another person's perspective and recognize that someone else's needs might truly be more important at that moment.
Next week I'll discuss the most powerful model in our lives.
Grace MacDowell, M.A., of Auburn, is completing her doctorate in
clinical psychology. She can be reached at drmac2be@yahoo.com