Not to overgeneralize, but women are often proud of the interior of their homes.

And men are proud of the exteriors.

We seed the grass, pave the driveway, build decks, paint garages, landscape, plant, sod, paint ... and then brag.

First to the family members.

Then to the pets.

Then to the neighbors.

And the neighbor's pets.

“I just built a two-car heated garage with a 3-ton hydraulic lift and a wet bar. And it was up in less than a day.”

“Oh yeah, that ain't nothing. I built this three-tiered cherry wood wheelchair-accessible deck, with seating for 14, two built-in stainless steel grills, waterfall, and an indoor-outdoor plasma TV screen with surround sound. And I did it by myself. At halftime of Sunday's game. In a blinding snowstorm.”

But there's nothing that will take the bluster off those boasts like the single piece of mail that Auburn homeowners received last weekend.

Reassessments.

And you thought NYSEG bills were there worst piece of mail you'd receive this winter.

It's been four years since the last reassessment. Four years to brag about how our home is worth so much more than what we paid for it, what a great steal it was when we bought it, and how great it is to read that Cayuga County's housing market prices are soaring. Great, that is, until someone from the city assessor's office drives by and attaches a real taxable figure to our previously secret self-assessment.

We all want to buy a house for far less than it's worth, build value onto the property, watch the market soar and our investment skyrocket, and then let everyone know about it.

Except the assessor.

Which is why we'll build up our home to our neighbors, but we'll tear it down twice as fast in front of the city assessor.

These are the conversations going on this month in the city assessor's office:

“Yeah, well it may look good from the road, but you have got to see this place up close. Our aluminum siding, my god it's peeling off like flaking skin. The foundation is crumbling, the driveway is built on sludge, and tiles from our roof are falling like rain. Anyone who comes to visit us must provide proof of health insurance.”

“Yes, yes, I know you saw a deck out back, but did you know I threw that thing together in just 20 minutes with Elmer's Glue and safety pins, it's uneven, makes noises even when it's not being used, and I don't even allow neighbors on it for fear of personal injury lawsuits. And that plasma screen gets lousy reception.”

My wife and I got our reassessment notice last weekend and discovered that our home's value had risen 40 percent. We bought our home two years ago and it has now been assessed at 100 percent of our purchase price, which is standard procedure, we understand.

But we overpaid. I made a mistake on the check. An extra 0. A typo. I misunderstood their Realtor. Caught it after it was too late. Honest.

And then there's the dry rot, the infestation, the black mold, the carbon monoxide leak, the ...

Editor Mikel LeFort can be reached at 253-5311 ext. 230 or e-mail mikel.lefort@lee.net