CONQUEST - It's not a pickup truck unless it's dirty. That was the maxim of Saturday's mud bog race in Conquest.

In Cayuga County, we've got every kind of vehicle race - souped-up lawn tractors, snowmobiles and of course plenty of DIRT cars. But none seem as fun or as ridiculous as the mud bog races. It might be the only sport where you can compete shirtless while smoking a cigarette.

The races, which benefited the Conquest Fire Department, pitted two-wheel drive and four-wheel drive ATVs and stock and modified pickups against each other in a man-made moat of mud. The racers were judged in two areas: speed through the muck and distance achieved when speed was not a factor.

Many of the ATVs got through the course with little difficulty. On his Honda 300EX two-wheel ATV, JR Cronin swept the competition, posting a time of just over nine seconds to clear the 100-foot pit.

The street stock car driver made it through the bog almost mud-free because of the line he took.

Cronin was not sure what his strategy was; he just knew the other guys didn't do it.

"You try and pick a line. I picked the right and went left," he said. "The other guys just hit the wrong hole."

Southern comedian Larry the Cable Guy would have been proud that his catch-phrase, "Git-R-Done," had such a presence at the afternoon event.

Many spectators sported hats and T-shirts emblazoned with the signature phrase. As driver Nate Cox spun the wheels of his Chevy pickup trying to inch forward through the bog, a little bit of Larry sneaked out.

"I got'r done better'n the big ones," he said.

Cox, a member of the Conquest Fire Department, wasn't too pleased with his result. It wasn't his performance that got him down; it was the fact that he suffered the loss at the wheels of a Dodge.

Before the event, the fire department used a backhoe to carve out a bog at the municipal park on Fuller Road. Then they filled the bog with their fire hoses. One firefighter said last week they had fish swimming in the bog. But by Saturday, only tadpoles swam around at the mud pit.

All of the competitors were old enough to drive their own trucks and ATVs lawfully, except Mike Snyder. At 14, Snyder was the youngest competitor. But he's been driving ATVs since he was 7 years old, so he's an old pro.

Event organizer Mike Lamphere of the Conquest Fire Department said as long as parents consented, minors could compete. Snyder liked the sound of that. For the Port Byron student, it's all about the mud.

"The best part is the mud. I like getting all muddy," he said sitting atop his ATV, crusted with mud.

The races, which are a second annual fund-raiser for the fire department, are truly a family event. Parents and children wandered around checking out all the vehicles and watched truck after truck get lodged in the sludge.

Melanie Harvard and Ed Van Holtz of Skaneateles brought their son, Callan, out for the afternoon. Van Holtz liked the ATVs the best, while Harvard liked watching the trucks get stuck. Callan was transfixed by the last vehicle, a monster modified vehicle called Plum Crazy.

Driver Rodney Malbone of Savannah and Abe Murrell of Wolcott brought Plum Crazy down for an exhibition run and it didn't disappoint. The hot-rod-esque vehicle had a Chevy motor, Goodyear paddle tires that lift the machine up over the mud and hand-carved front tires that tore up the track.

It took a few runs before Plum Crazy dazzled the crowd with eight-second pass over the bog. The mammoth engine has to get warmed up before it can really impress.

"Once it gets warmed up," Murrell said, "she runs better."

Staff writer Lauren Ober can be reached at 253-5311 ext. 245

or lauren.ober@lee.net