Tourists will pay to see almost anything - wax statues of Gandhi, a palace made of corn, the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota, even the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. But the one thing they will probably never pay to see is a big pile of stinking poo.

I used to be of the mindset that Auburn should capitalize on the presence of the crows by turning them into a tourist attraction. But when I walk home from work everyday, I walk past one of Auburn's real tourist attractions, the Seward House. In the summer, it's an attractive place. But during roosting season, the normally green fences become white. The sidewalk crunches under your feet. It smells like a chicken coup. If it wasn't on my way home, I'd avoid it at all costs - let alone pay money to go see it.

No, crows don't draw tourists, they poop on them. So, though watching the massive flock fly in each evening is an awesome sight, it is best viewed driving down the Arterial in the comfort of one's own car. The only money these kinds of tourists are going to spend is at the car wash on the way out of town.

But if crows are messy and annoying, what is to be done? Killing them is not the answer. The annual crow hunt does nothing to thin the crow population or clean up their poo. (By the way, I should sue the organizers of that event for identity theft since I was wearing that coat and hat combination long before they'd ever dreamt of the Crowmobile.)

The USDA is coming this month to fire laser lights and pyrotechnics into the air. The problem with these dispersion tactics is that there is little control over where the crows will relocate. They will likely do nothing more than scare the crows out of downtown and into the residential neighborhoods. Plus, the city will likely need to shell out $13,000 multiple times a year to keep the crows away. This is not something we can afford.

A better idea would be to determine why the crows are drawn to the center of town in the first place. Are they here for the food, lights, warmth, some combination thereof, or something else entirely? If we could figure this out, we could artificially create an atmosphere that is even more habitable for them. Then, like luring squirrels away from the house by scattering nuts in the back of the yard, we could relocate the crows in a controlled fashion to a designated location on the outskirts of town.

We could then watch the crows flock in each night from a safe distance. We could still be known as a crow town if we wanted. We could have crow art, crow music, crow festivals, even a Crowmobile. We just wouldn't have to deal with the crow mess. Without that mess, and with the right marketing strategy, tourists really might be enticed to come. Ever seen a corn palace raided by crows? Neither have I, but that's something I'd pay to see.

Dan Schuster's column appears Mondays in The Citizen. He can be reached at yetti539@hotmail.com