Well, it seems the crows have won the war.

It also seems that city government has taken to grasping at straws to solve the crow problem (if it is a problem).

Crow-proof trash cans? Questions:

A. If "uniform" crow-proof trash cans are to be mandatory, why do we need to place trash into green or black trash bags? Ah, yes! Crows with x-ray vision! Aren't bags, other than clear, highly illegal at this time?

B. What about backyard bird feeders? They attract mourning doves, sparrows, blue jays, and CROWS! And this menagerie attracts the neighborhood cats, Peregrine falcons, and other predators. But they, evidently, are safe - for now.

C. Will a Bird Feeder Patrol be formed to bust little old ladies feeding their feathered friends or will Grandma be required to sit on her back porch with shotgun in hand to dispatch marauding crows?

D. Where will these newfangled trash cans and approved plastic bags be sold? Once the law is in place, I'm sure Wal-Mart will be quick to pick up the franchise.

E. And who will cover the costs of "crow-proofing" Auburn's flotsam and jetsam? Why, the taxpayer of course! And woe to the non-complying citizen!

So let's say this trash can imposition is successful.

Let's say the crow's food supply within the city is eliminated.

Let's say the crows, looking for a new food source, find a gold mine at the city dump and muscle in all that good eatin' with those nasty gulls.

What's to prevent all those crows and their gull wing mates from returning, every night, to their roosts within the city?

In addition to food, isn't warmth and shelter another side of the crow survival equation?

It's no doubt a tad bit warmer downtown than it is at the teeth-chattering dump.

Is there another living and breathing thing on this green earth that has done more to contaminate it other than the human being?

If you take a drive through some of Auburn's "nicer" neighborhoods, you will see that crows aren't the only residents strewing trash all over.

Does anyone dare label them a nuisance or health hazard?

This crow business is getting more and more ridiculous. I never thought I'd say it but, other than massacring the crows, I'd say Tom Lennox and Lance Gummerson have the right idea - THEY'RE CASHING IN!

Can't wait for the Crow Fest guys!

The war is over, the human race lost.

Can we please move on to things that matter?

Paul N. Luziani's column appears every Thursday. He can be reached at underwood50@hotmail.com.